About the Authors

The contributors to newcounterculture.com are a coterie of shy, desperate men who nevertheless have something to say. They met Joe at a Soren Kierkegaard Society conference in the late 1990s, discovering that in addition to sharing an abiding interest in SK, they were all either currently or recovering cranky old men who had once dreamed of becoming great writers, but whose youthful hopes had been crushed.

Over the years, as profits from Joe's Original Alpaca Burger mushroomed, Joe began searching for investments that would allow him to "work toward a greater good or at least amuse myself." He founded newcounterculture.com in December of 2003 with the hope of seeing his friends achieve some degree of recognition, around Alpaca Burger Tower if nowhere else. Joe has not yet decided whether he will attempt to contribute anything to the Web site, but he is certain his friends will be able to "keep the ball rolling now that it's finally in the air."

John Climacus: In his mid-forties, Climacus is the youngest of the newcounterculture.com scribes, although paradoxically he is considered by far the crankiest. He began noticing signs of cranky-old-manliness creeping up when he was 25 and developing an aversion to cats and "pretty-boy" news anchors. By the time he was 30 he experienced full-blown curmudgeonitude, and could no longer tolerate dogs, inefficient retail clerks, liberals or interruptions of any kind.

He generously agreed to provide much of the first month's content to get newcounterculture.com off the ground, because "it's better than sitting home throwing shoes at the television." Considered fiercely partisan by some, unbearably opinionated by others, he enjoys spirited argument because he sees it as a public service to the misguided.

Angus Hemmingway: A self-described adventurer and writer, Hemmingway is not related to the famous American author. Some have said his writing style is evocative of "Papa's." Yet many others, including all prospective employers in the worlds of publishing and media, have said this is nonsense. Consequently, Hemmingway has spent most of his working life as a captain's mate on fishing charters throughout the eastern U.S. and has had little success getting any of his work into print, excepting a 10-year stint as a stringer for Grit.

Still sturdy although approaching his twilight years, he has achieved a qualified appreciation of life. He says that "sitting home in my office, writing gross generalizations about things of which I have little knowledge, is one of my few remaining joys. I've been through some slugfests, but these days I prefer typing out my jabs to physically landing them on an opponent's sweaty face. It's certainly softer this way, and cleaner."

Hemmingway currently enjoys a number of life's simple pleasures, including mornings on the water and verbal jousts with Jehovah's Witnesses when they come calling. More often than not, he can be found in his boat, because "when 'heterosexual marriage' becomes a phrase in your lexicon, it's time to fill a cooler with cold ones and go fishing." His reduced work schedule has allowed time for travel, and most recently he has been dividing his time between the rain forests of Central America and suburban pet shops, researching an upcoming story on the rough-and-tumble subculture of the parakeet hunters.

Dr. Winston Turner: Since completing his dissertation, "Meaning IS Mayhem: Derrida and Daffy Duck" in 1973, Dr. Turner has been struggling with a 30-year case of writer's block. He worked briefly as a film critic for a local entertainment weekly in Sarasota, Florida in the 1980s, but after the arrival of music videos he became disenchanted with popular culture and withdrew from "polite society." Since then, he has tended bar in the evenings and spends most of his free time reading and tinkering with computers. Dr. Turner believes strongly that if bartenders were required to hold doctorates in philosophy, the nation's drinking establishments would be "more ironic than beastly."

He is treasurer and vice-prefect of the Dulles Region Old Globes Appreciation Society (DROGAS), holding as his prize possession a handsome collection of Hammond and Rand McNally models dating from 1915-1962. He enjoys gourmet cooking and was once known as the "hot sauce impressario of Deland" for the many concoctions he devised while living in Central Florida.

As webmaster of newcounterculture.com, Dr. Turner has a largely self-taught background in computers, which he believes are becoming "to the 21st century what pencils were to the 17th, which means after awhile we probably won't find them very interesting." In any case, while he attempts to put together enough words to at least get something posted on the Forum, he soldiers on with the technical duties here and for that we are all grateful.

Thoughtful comments or knee-jerk criticism? Please contact: info -at- newcounterculture.com