[WELCOME MICHAEL GRAHAM FANS! SCROLL DOWN FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS OF MICHAEL GRAHAM UPDATES. Want to know what you can DO about Michael's firing? Follow this link for information on contacting WMAL advertisers.]

[More info on the big announcement of Michael's firing here. Also here, and here. Lameness from The Corner here.]

WMAL, I ruminate on how ye sucketh.

Yea, yea, I am inspired to invent archaisms to express such suckitude,

For 'to suck' is bad, but to sucketh such as WMAL sucks, sucks singularly.

I am not a vindictive man.

Rather, check that: I am vindictive enough to pursue my enemies until the end of time, until they and their offspring's offspring have died and forgotten our quarrel. I shall rail against them from beyond the grave, via cleverly-planted land mines of condemnation, which will arise at the most embarrassing moments from the pages of history itself. I shall shout them down long after any rationale for shouting exists. I shall condemn them to hell with every breath of my being.

But apart from those activities, I really am not a vindictive man.

Here we condemn WMAL for the firing of Michael Graham, who was fired at the behest of the terrorist-sympathizing leadership of CAIR.

Sure, CAIR sucks, but you already knew that. What you may not have known is how truly WMAL sucks.

WMAL fired Ken Beatrice some years ago. Ken was a radio mastermind, an institution in the Washington DC metropolitan area. Ken was the best sports-talk-radio host ever, an encylopedia of information and a genius of rapport with the callers. He was an original - who had years of productivity left in him. He was fired not for anything he did, but simply as a result of the creeping suck-holiness of WMAL. We loved ye, Ken.

How comprehensively does WMAL suck?

We are inspired to invent oblique country aphorisms to express it:

WMAL 'sucks like blue ponies in winter.'

Sucking like blue ponies, WMAL - how you like them apples? We gots many more where that came from.

Last time I checked, there are plenty of slots left on the AM dial, plenty of places Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity can hang their hats. Plenty of room for a new radio station to squeeze in.

Maybe it's time WMAL gets shown the door in DC.

'Muy mal, WMAL' as our Hispanic brethren might say. 'W-BAD is the radio you deliver!'

When I was a child in the 1970s, my parents listened to WMAL, and I thought the station sucked. Then more recently, I listened to the various hosts and thought, 'Funny how it does not seem so bad since I am older.'

But I now realize, this was one of the few instances where your childhood perceptions were 100% accurate: WMAL does suck, always has sucked, and will suck until the plug is pulled.

So leave ye now, Rush and Sean: Move on to better stations in the DC area. Leave now, Fred and Andy, and John Batchelor. (Chris Core, maybe you can stay where you're at because someone has to go down with the ship, 'kay?)

Maybe if everyone boycotts WMAL and notifies the advertisers, the Disney company will unload it and someone will buy the station and rename it W-No-More-Suckin' in the Nation's Capital.

WNMS.

We hated them as kids. We tolerated them as adults. Now, perhaps not too late, we can see they needed to be put out to pasture a long time ago.

Top WMAL weasel Chris Berry says it was not a Disney or ABC decision to fire Michael Graham:

We have given him the option to return to the air. Unfortunately he did not respond and instead has decided to miscast the facts. In addition our discussions with Michael were made independently without discussion or influence by ANY third party.

Bully for Chris. He wanted Michael to apologise. Presumably he also wanted Michael to come over and enjoy some hummus, cardamom tea and readings from the Prophet.

Like a big, deep mud puddle under our collective shoes, WMAL sucks and sucks. Best to hop out of the mud, step away, wipe the dirt off our shoes and avoid that hole in the future.

UPDATE: Jeepers, on reading this through for the first second time, it's starting to look like I may be getting this Bonfire of the Vanities concept down cold.