[CUE: Country harmonica flourish]

[Old country-cowboy voice]

I've always said, there's no hygiene issue I cain't solve with a roll of paper towels and a gallon of bleach. But I believe I've met my match...with comment-spam.

[CUE: Bass-heavy, twangy Texas prairie tune, in a slow, loping, 4/4, two-step beat; continue throughout narrative, raise volume during pauses]

Y'see, our story begins a long time ago, round about the third week of November, in the year of two aught-aught four. It was a mild November in these parts, and I was goin' about my business, as was my custom at the time.

[CUE: Stagecoach rumbling past]

One day I had cause to click on a link which took me directly to an older post on this here Alpaca Burger blog. Much to my surprise, I found COMMENTS there, which startled me, on account of this here blog bein' about as invisible as a deer tick's shadow on a coonskin cap. And not just a few comments, but NINE.

'Well, glory be,' I said, 'I wonder what I done wrote that some fellas saw fit to talk to me about!'

So I scrolled on down to read this discussion, and lordy lordy it made less sense than a drunken Frenchman tryin' to auction a steer.

[CUE: Pipe organ - ominous]

'Who the HELL is this phenteramine fellow and why the hell is he sayin' the same shit over and over?' was my first reaction.

'And what does online poker have to do with it all anyway!' was the second.

[CUE: Coyote howl]

Let me tell you, I was TEED off. Just a bunch of silly shits, is what they was, in my estimation, makin' no sense a-tall and usin' the Alpaca Burger homestead to play their druggy little games.

Now I was willin' to let bygone be bygones, and just return to the shed to finish poundin' out a barrel full a' chicken foot for the Sunday stew. But I got to wonderin' about these greasy little stutterin' freak jobs, so I looked at a few more posts and before you know it I'm jumpin' up and down with my hatchet smashin' everythin' in sight includin' my grandpappy's porcelain squirrel - and the refrigerator door!

[Bass guitar run, high to low]

When I finally came to, I climbed back up on the chair and started searchin' in the google. I typed in words from some of these ridiculous conversations that now inhabited almost four hundred of my posts and what I found is:

I done been spammed.

[CUE: Boot stomping twice on the ground]

COMMENT spammed.

[CUE: Long, lonely dog howl]

Now, on account of the time of year it was, and a fresh load of hootch just in from my cousin Jebby's still, I was able to let this abomination lie where it lay, so to speak, for a spell. Like my Daddy said, 'Drinkin' solves a world a' problems, and the ones it don't maybe ain't worth the bother.'

But over time my ideas began to stir. We undertook this Movable Type and had to address the old, old pages a visitor may find himself upon stumblin' into our Forum. Well, do we keep those pages? And what about all the jibberin' comment butt-talk like you'd get standin' in the bottom of the outhouse pit lookin' up?

I was half inclined to let the butt-talk stay, on account of it bein' a ROYAL pain in the ass to go back and delete it. But then recently I read this, which was QUITE enlightenin':

"It was around December 2003: Google did what was called the 'Florida update'. It changed the algorithm that measured how high a site should be ranked to spot 'nepotistic' links and devalue them. So if you had a link farm of sites with different names which linked heavily to each other, they were pushed down," explains Sam.

So the link spammers - who prefer to call themselves "search engine optimisers", but get upset when search engines do optimise themselves - turned to other free outlets which Google already regarded highly, because their content changes so often: blogs. And especially blogs' comments, where trusting bloggers expected people to put nice agreeable remarks about what they'd written, rather than links to PPC sites. Ah well. Nothing personal....

Sam's code gets hundreds of open proxies to obediently spam blogs and other sites with the messages he wants posted. They usually target comments to old posts, so they won't show up to people reading the latest ones, though search engine spiders will spot them and index them. And here's the surprising thing: link spamming is not outsourced. These people do it on their own behalf. (Does this mean it's an immature business? Reg readers please advise.)

Here's why. When Sam spams tons of blogs and sites with links to his sites - which are affiliates of bigger PPC sites - people see the links and, seeking some porn, pills or casino action, click through to his site, and from there to the parent site, which pays Sam for each person landing there. The PPC sites can see revenues of £100,000 to £200,000 per month, says Sam. He gets a slice of that - and he wants it to stay that way.

[CUE: Military drum beat]

Well, podner, this was just too much for me. I'll be damned if such target-practice snot-weasels are making money from the thousands of verbal turds they left festering on this server which I pay for.

[CUE: Military drum beat]

[CUE: Viking war horn]

Long story short, I have to go back and hand-code the changes to the hundreds of pages these sphincter-throats did their doody on. Greymatter had to be turned off to get MT to run, so there is no way to automate the process. As of the present moment we are caught up to the first 100 posts.

It's not so bad once you've settled in with a bit of Jebby's juice, but it's tedious no matter what.

[CUE: Bela Legosi: "Gooood Eeevening!"]

[CUE: Creaking door opening]

[CUE: Calliope organ music]

Sorry - ah thinks our SOUND effects got a bit confused just then...

[CUE: Wicked witch: "HA HA HA ha haha HA HA HA ha!"]

[CUE: Chorus from Wings: 'Band on the run, band on the run, band on the run, band on the run....']

Anyway, it's been most hospitable for you to drop on by. I'd like to acknowledge, we have not been so 'up to par' with the issues of the day because of all the maintenance problems.

But we are not totally out of the circle of relevance, either.

[CUE: Sound of gavel striking, courtroom murmering]

[CUE: Police whistle]

This just in, we have SLUGS crawling up the side of the house. And we don't know WHAT they are doing here:

[CUE: Eric Clapton guitar solo, bridge, from 'Layla']

Ah, the passage of time. I hope this information has been useful. And I hope all you little cowpokes out there will survey YOUR blogs for comment spam. And if you have a wheel gun, I hope you will take a few shots, just like I have. Boom boom boom boom boom boom. Erase 'em; erase their parasitic asses. Reload. Then erase some more.

Posted by John Climacus at 01:41 | Permalink

It's not what I'm sayin', friend, it's the locals. Read all about it at BayouBuzz

“Laissez les bon temps rouler” or “Let the good times roll” has been the unofficial motto for the City that Care Forgot for many years. The Big Easy focused on parties and tourism while good oil and gas jobs left town and corrupt politics ruined the state. The list of LA politicians who have been indicted and/or convicted of serious crimes is too long and too exhaustive to list. Currently, former four term Governor Edwin Edwards is in jail, while the administration of former two term New Orleans Mayor Marc Morial is under federal investigation. In recent years, insurance commissioners, election commissioners, judges, state legislators and public school system officials have all been sent to jail for various crimes.

While corruption was occupying the attention of many public servants and the public kept electing these scoundrels to office and focusing on the next big party, New Orleans became more and more vulnerable to hurricanes. As the city literally sank and the Louisiana coastlands, a natural barrier to hurricanes, eroded, the one group that was entrusted to protect New Orleans fiddled while Rome burned. The Orleans Parish Levee Board shockingly failed the people of New Orleans in each and every way. In the past decade, it has focused on marinas, casinos, parks, highways and other diversions while it neglected its main priority, levee maintenance and construction.

Investigators are now speculating that Hurricane Katrina did not send storm surges that topped the levees in New Orleans. In contrast, credible reports now indicate that the floodwalls failed in key locations, almost all of them on the Orleans Parish side of the levees. When the “autopsy” is performed it will come as no surprise to find that the levees either were not maintained or constructed properly. All of the blame cannot be given to the Orleans Parish Levee Board because the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers is also responsible for the levee construction, but the Orleans Parish Levee Board undoubtedly failed their citizens.

While the levees were vulnerable and New Orleans was put more at risk every day, the Orleans Parish Levee Board spent millions on trivial feel good projects, such as $2.4 million renovating the Mardi Gras fountain, or $15 million constructing overpasses to connect to their riverboat casino, the Belle of Orleans. The board spent precious time and effort trying to redevelop an airport, spent thousands of dollars on a private detective to investigate a radio talk show host who was critical of board mismanagement. They constructed an expensive new administration building, staffed and maintained their own police force, and redesigned a roadway adjacent to the levee. In short, they were doing everything but their job. Maybe the board became bored with the prospect of levee maintenance and thought their real job was not glamorous and did ! not attract enough media attention, but guess what is getting everyone’s attention now? Hopefully, it will attract the attention from not only congressional investigators but also criminal investigators as well.

To add insult to injury, the people of New Orleans now discover that days before the hurricane hit, James Huey, President of the Orleans Parish Levee Board received a back payment of almost $100,000, despite the fact that he is supposed to serve in this position for only a $75 per diem, which is the fee paid to all board members. The payment was given to him without board or legislative approval. Huey, who was initially appointed to the board by the convict Edwards, was reappointed by both Governors Mike Foster and Kathleen Blanco. Huey claimed that he was due the money because he spends “a great deal of time discussing policy matters, signing contracts and holding meetings dealing with levee district operations.” Yes, Huey did spend a great deal of time on non-essential projects like tailing a radio talk show host, developing roadways and an airport, and building a ca! sino and marina. If Huey and his cohorts had been focused on their primary mission instead, New Orleans might not be a ruined city right now.

In December of 1995, the Orleans Levee Board, the local government entity that oversees the levees and floodgates designed to protect New Orleans and the surrounding areas from rising waters, bragged in a supplement to the Times-Picayune newspaper about federal money received to protect the region from hurricanes.

"In the past four years, the Orleans Levee Board has built up its arsenal. The additional defenses are so critical that Levee Commissioners marched into Congress and brought back almost $60 million to help pay for protection," the pamphlet declared. "The most ambitious flood-fighting plan in generations was drafted. An unprecedented $140 million building campaign launched 41 projects."

The levee board promised Times-Picayune readers that the "few manageable gaps" in the walls protecting the city from Mother Nature's waters "will be sealed within four years (1999) completing our circle of protection."

But less than a year later, that same levee board was denied the authority to refinance its debts. Legislative Auditor Dan Kyle "repeatedly faulted the Levee Board for the way it awards contracts, spends money and ignores public bid laws," according to the Times-Picayune. The newspaper quoted Kyle as saying that the board was near bankruptcy and should not be allowed to refinance any bonds, or issue new ones, until it submitted an acceptable plan to achieve solvency....

The newspaper reported that in 2000 and 2001, "the Bond Commission has approved or pledged millions of dollars for projects in Jefferson Parish, including construction of the Tournament Players Club golf course near Westwego, the relocation of Hickory Avenue in Jefferson (Parish) and historic district development in Westwego."

There is no record of such discretionary funding requests being reduced or withdrawn, but in October of 2003, nearby St. Charles Parish did receive a federal grant for $475,000 to build bike paths on top of its levees.

Earlier this year, the levee board did complete a $2.5 million restoration project. After months of delays, officials rolled away fencing to reveal the restored 1962 Mardi Gras fountain in a four-acre park featuring a new 600-foot plaza between famous Lakeshore Drive and the sea wall.

Posted by John Climacus at 01:44 | Permalink

One of the killer bloggers, The Doorman, had the unfortunate luck to go to Texas in the middle of last week. Update posts, here, here

Line of the night: "Hey! That's a great map of Texas! All that's missing is that red fucking ball of death that's bearing down on my ass right now."

From this vantage point, it seems like that would have been the better choice than getting stuck in a day-long traffic jam, but The Doorman has not posted since last Thursday at 5:00 pm. Hope it all went swimmingly, and he has some interesting reports once he gets back to NYC.

Posted by John Climacus at 02:33 | Permalink

The anxiously-awaited reconstruction of the Alpaca Burger Forum is rumored to be underway. This eventuality would result in the return of our sidebar links and so much more. I expect some progress soon; but, Rome was not built in a day, y'know.

So please enjoy the austere, dignified fresh-out-of-the-box look while it lasts, because once the ability to augment the sidebars is again mine, lord have mercy on the mariner you know this is going to be a discordant mess. (Note to designer: Just kidding.)

In the meantime, since we don't have any links, I'll just share with all of you - because I know SO MANY of you are out there - who I've been seeing in my latest finger-walking and mousing along through the blogosphere. Let's see, let me get my fingertips warmed up...and now get that badminton racket up in front of my face...

Romper Bomper Stomper Boo, Tell me, Tell me Tell me Do....Magic Mirror, tell me today, are all my friends at home at play?

Now, who do I see?

Well, I see

• Ed, charting the inevitable denoument of the human species, and...
  
• Bill, enjoying the delectations of consumerism, and...
  
• Donnah, who sees love blossoming all around, and...
  
• Dan,, who seems to have hit the White House nail on the head, and...
  
• Eric, who shows us...well, I think we're going to have to have a talk with Eric, children, because Eric's stories sometimes aren't very appropriate at all, and...
  
• Larry, who just works so hard helping the helpless, and...
  
• Joe, who is doing his best to keep a straight face, and...
  
• Patrick, who is just being SILLY, and...
  
• Stephen, who needs to learn that even the best chefs COOK with the cheap wine, and save ALL of the good stuff for drinking. (Sheesh, why do you think they sell Gallo?), and, finally...
  
• John, who reminds us that, for all practical purposes, every American - living, dead, or hypothetical - was in Washington DC protesting the war this weekend...
  

And remember, if we are Good Do Bees, we do what our parents say.

UPDATE: Ed of MonkeyWatch sends this interesting bit of info for those of use who grew up during the era of The Beatles, The Chipmunks and The Banana Splits:

Here's trivia: according to this Wikipedia article, Romper Room was franchised, with different hostesses in different cities, and at the bottom of this page a list of some of them.

Posted by John Climacus at 01:53 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Rd 1-5
This is one bizarre fight. Klitchko fighting to form: Box tough for a few rounds then start getting the crap beat out of you. In this case, Klitchko goes down twice and neither appears to have been the result of an actual hit. He's getting so tired and awkward he's getting all off balance and then getting basically pushed to the canvas. Klitchko is just not MEAN enough.

Every one of his fights I've seen has gone something like this. Has he learned to be a bad ass and get a second wind?

Rd 6
No killer instinct, but Klitchko came back. Boxing not fighting. He's got to learn to want to go AFTER the other guy, attack rather than maintain a position with jabs.

Rd 7
Peter is more solid on his feet. Not landing many punches at all, but if I had to guess who was gearing up for powerful shots it would be this guy. Klitchko won the round, awkwardly as usual.

Rd 8
Klitchko: Jab jab jab jab with occasional right cross or left hook; hitting the most punches by a long shot. When he sends a hard shot to the body, he follows with an immediate hold. Hit-hold, hit-hold. Looks like he's fighting for points, not a knock out.

Rd 9
Peter's right eyes is swelling big time so Klitchko has a free shot from the left. Klitchko scores a few big shots, Peter scores another slap when Klitchko gets awkward. Peter's hitting him in the back of the head but it's because Klitchko is such a spazz and gets all off balance and wrapped around him.

Rd 10
They should just bend the rules and let these guys wrestle. A BRAWL at the end; Klitchko goes down again. Peter wins the brawls big time...Peter has the more forceful shots, few as they are, and this time he cleaned Klitchko's clock. Gut check time for Klitchko. He went into the corner looking weak.

Rd 11
Klitchko can land shots at will. Strong rights snapping Peter's head back. No glass jaw evident on Klitchko this time, he's still going full blast. But is he trying to knock the opponent out or just protect the imaginary lead?

Rd 12
DAMN WHAT A FIGHT. Klitchko lands a huge left hook and a bracing right. Peter doesn't go down but is bloodied, slow, throwing off weak punches that land a foot short. A couple times Klitchko appeared to have a HUGE opening to follow up with a combination to put has man down for good. but he did not follow up. Let's see.....

Klitchko wins 114-111. Cool, this is the only good or gutsy perfomance I've seen him deliver.

Some guys are late bloomers, and maybe Wladimir will be one. Originally, he was considered the shoo-in for stardom, but his brother Vitaly turned out the be the true heavyweight contender. Wladimir just got trounced in his biggest fights. Now, indisputedly holding one of the 57 heavyweight division belts, he may have the confidence to achieve what was expected. He's smart but a little too gawky and deer-in-the-headlights, and definitely needs a killer instinct. He never had Peter scared for one single second in this fight.

Peter, he just needs to get in shape. He had this fight won but couldn't summon the energy to keep punching. Slim down, son, fine tune your technique, and you'll be the next Joe Frazier.

Posted by John Climacus at 11:11 | Permalink

Live television hurricane coverage: I can’t decide whether this is interesting or just plain asinine. I just completed the appropriate Friday night activity - watching 'Run Silent, Run Deep' - and now am moving on to the more questionable use of time.

Does some producer chomp his cigar and shout “I want feet and cameras on the ground; I want to see exactly what it’s like to be there!”

“But sir, having a big piece of corrugated steel fly over and chop off your head is part of what it’s like to be there.”

“JUST GET ME THE VIDEO, DAMMIT!”

I’m watching FoxNews. They’ve got feet on the ground from New Orleans to Texas.

12:30 am
New Orleans is screwed. It looks like Niagra Falls pouring into the city from the broken levees. 80,000 homes will have to be torn down in St. Bernard Parish alone.

12:37 am
Geraldo is in Port Arthur, TX. "It's a tremendous force out here, we're just worried about the glass out here, that's our biggest fear."

No shit, Sherlock.

Geraldo: "You get these big sharp gusts...I tell ya, it's surreal."

12:44 am
Shep is in Beaumont, TX: "You get almost like that 6th Avenue wind, when the winds are going through that concrete canyon in New York City...the beginning of the eye-wall should be another hour away... This system is supposed to stall over the area where Texas, Arkansas and Louisiana come together... and sit over this region and rain for FIVE days."

That ain't good for New Orleans.

12:50 am
Shep: "2.7 million people evacuated from this area...that's never happened before in this country...you have to wonder why this is happening all of a sudden; meteorologists say this is a cyclical thing - it happened with several hurricanes in the 1950s and ended with Camille, and then for 30 or 40 years it hasn't happened, but now it's happening again and, and if this is what's going to happen I think people living along the coast are going to have to ask 'what are we doing.'"

1:00 am
Rick Leventhal is in Lake Charles, LA: Wind is too loud for him to hear Alan and Sean.

1:03 am
Some Fox chick in Nassau Bay, TX: "WHOAAA that was some gust!....Two to three buildings caught on fire on Galveston Island about five blocks from Strand Avenue. We're expecting the heaviest winds to arrive here in about 3 to 4 hours."

1:07 am
Rick: "It's just plain nasty. I can't get a good read on my windmeter because it's just so nasty right now...the lights went out in this casino about 8:45 local time. Whoa. This vehicle here is rocking, it's a big truck and I don't want to get on the other side of it."

He's hunched over and looks like he's on the moon, but with water and color. He looks like he's in a place mankind is not supposed to be in.

1:22 am
Shep: "It's getting precipitously worse...it's just not safe to keep the dish up, this is a $10 million vehicle...it's gonna be VERY bad here."

He looks like the guy in that science video from the 1960s in the gravity simulator, with the skin getting all pushed back.

1:25 am
Weather guy: Lake Charles, LA, western LA will be hammered by a storm surge.

1:30 am
Water is pouring into New Orleans (still). Water in the city as far as the eye can see. They'll be using 3000 lb -5000 lb sandbags to try and fix it. I think these Army Corps of Engineer guys have to be thinking WTF.

1:34 am
Weather guy: Lake Charles is in for a rough night. "I'm concerned that storm surge is going to go up there like in 1957 with Hurricane Audry. All the locals remember that."

Rick in Lake Charles: Rick seems to be totally focused on protecting the crew and dish from the increasing wind; they're repositioned in a parking garage.

I hope they're taking precautions about incoming water as well.

Ok that's about enough for me I think. A bunch of guys out standing in a hurricane saying basically: "Whoa! This hurricane is intense!" It is interesting, but it's crazy at the same time. Good night.

2:15 am
Ok I take that back. I guess the cigar-chomping producer knew what he was talking about, because I'm still watching. The very idea of setting up a camera crew in the midst of a monster storm with the intention of reporting right on through it is nuts, crazy, so totally insane it's hard to take your eyes off it.

Rick Leventhal just interviewed two hotel employees who ventured up to the parking garage where Rick and his camera guy have ensconced themselves and their equipment (turns out they're 40 ft up, so should be safe). The hotel guys wanted to see what it was like to get blown around. Rick's interview with them was, visually, reminiscent of "The Blair Witch Project" because they and the camera were bouncing around like in a storm at sea.

It will be a miracle if none of these news people get killed. I'm hoping no one is feeling obligated to stay out for the long haul.

Posted by John Climacus at 12:35 | Permalink

Welp, this was pretty much the story I thought might come out of yesterday's airplane drama. There's an apparent problem with the plane:

The problems with JetBlue Flight 292 marked the seventh time that the front landing gear of an Airbus jet has locked at a 90-degree angle, forcing pilots to land commercial airliners under emergency conditions, according to FAA records.

No one has been injured in the incidents. One involved another JetBlue flight into New York in November 2002, just three few weeks before a United Airlines flight into Chicago had the same problem, landing in a shower of sparks thrown from the nose gear after the tires ground down nearly to the axle.

My higher-than-normal level of disappointment stems from my love of Jet Blue. I have flown Jet Blue from Dulles to Long Beach and then DRIVEN 2.5 hours to Palm Springs just for the sheer pleasure of flying with a good airline and the sheer disgust of going with one of the companies that would have taken me directly to my destination.

Same deal flying to Florida, into Ft. Lauderdale. Let me tell you, I don't know anyone anywhere NEAR Lauderdale and driving around Florida is always an exercise in endurance.

But Jet Blue totally kicks butt in terms of comfort, service and overall attitude. I enjoy giving them my money.

With a fleet stocked chock full of the Airbus 320 family, however, maybe not so much anymore.

I'd rather subject myself to 7 hours of being crapped on by a horrible company, than 15 minutes of stark terror with a smiley one.

Prediction: Either Jet Blue will hire someone who will conduct the greatest PR campaign since the Big Bang, or Jet Blue will go out of business.

I already check the plane before I book a flight online (HATE those back-torturing 737s) and I will for damn sure be watching out for that Airbus family now.

Somewhere, somebody is sitting alone on a couch, with an adult beverage in hand, with the TV blaring, with the family asleep upstairs, oblivious to everything except the internal monologue repeating over and over: 'Why didn't I choose Boeing?'

Posted by John Climacus at 11:30 | Permalink

Drove into the city today for a brief meeting; took a few wrong turns - as is my wont - and ended up driving all around the Mall and White House area.

Signs of demonstration are everywhere, let me tell you. (Forgot the camera - sorry) Signs like "Avoid traffic, use Metro this weekend.' Some sort of soundstage is going up near the Lincoln Memorial. A bunch of chairs - I'd estimate 3,000 - are set up out on the mall closer to the Smithsonian in front of another smaller stage. Three buses with something about "Camp Crawford" painted on the side sat near this area.

As noted by the sharpies at the Washington Post-Democrat, Cindy Sheehan supporters 'descended' on the nation's capital today...

They descended real good, in fact. Because the one thing there was not one single solitary sign of was demonstrators or activists. Anywhere. If not for taking wrong turns I would have made record time because the streets weren't even as busy as usual. So either this was the smallest convergence in the history of the use of that word - like when me and my buddies would 'converge' on a case of brewskis - or else the massive hordes of activists descended down to ride Metro or grab a bite at the Smithsonian cafeteria all at the same time.

In any case, this would be a good weekend for the beach. The mean IQ level across the Potomac is going to take a nosedive tomorrow and you never know what that might lead to.

Posted by John Climacus at 03:04 | Permalink

No luck with configuration help thus far and I'm a little hesitant to add many pages before getting it all down. I may have to set aside some more time for another stint as 'computer guy' - but the past few days just haven't worked out. I don't know why comments aren't showing up, and I want to get the columns adjusted before posting the blogroll...but at least everything is still neat as a freshly pressed hankie! Isn't THAT something to feel good about? Just a nice, austere, charming-like-a-concrete block-is-charming, sort of blog.

Posted by John Climacus at 12:08 | Permalink

[CUE: fanfare]

[CUE: polite applause]

Ok, we're back with some pleasant news this evening about some...Good Timing!

[CUE: polite applause]

I guess just as I was writing the words, Nat was moving to...

[CUE: drumroll]

Typepad!

[CUE: polite applause]

Here's the new link, and I'll get a blogroll going as soon as I have enough time to manipulate Movable Type without making the Big Mistake.

[CUE: Laugh-track - tepid]

Wow, we both switched platforms at the same time. That is just weird, wild stuff. I mean, I wonder if NostraDAMUS had anything to say about this. That is just too weird...

[CUE: Laugh-track and applause - moderate]

[CUE: Sidekick: 'Heh heh heh - you are CORRECT, sir! Heh heh heh.']

[CUE: Loud applause and 'whoop! whoop! whoop!']

I have to say, I just tried to go over to the new 'demosthenes' site and it asked me for a PASSWORD to get in. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but the last Web site I visited that asked me for a password WAS doing some basting, but they weren't using 7-Up and I couldn't have served the dish to my Great-Aunt Hilda...

[CUE: Laugh-track - booming; whistles; "Woooo! Whoooo!]

[CUE: Sidekick: 'Yes! Heh heh heh - you are CORRECT, sir!']

[CUE: Doc on trumpet, plays the first bar of 'Taps'.]

[CUE: Laugh-track - booming]

I'm guessing nikita is taking his Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears posts to another level entirely. You know, I tried to sign up for a password but the site was too busy...I'm told AOL has assessed an excessive bandwidth charge on - Bob Dole...

[CUE: Laugh-track - uproarious]

[CUE: Sidekick: 'Ha ha ha ha HA!!']

In other news....heh heh..

[CUE: Laugh-track - uproarious]

...in other news, other prominent bloggers are trying to get on the 'Pay as you go' bandwagon as well. Reliable sources tell me that Stephen Greene and Frank J. are collaborating on a new project. The promotional poster shows a bottle and a monkey, and says 'Buy a subscription to our blog, or we will drink this pint of grain and shoot this chimp.'

[CUE: Laugh-track - uproarious]

[CUE: Sidekick: 'That chimp had it coming!']

[CUE: explosive applause]

Well, that's our show for tonight. Thank you all for stopping by, and please tune in next time when we will have television's 'Galloping Gourmet' Graham Kerr, with his Thanksgiving dinner insights on the tricky question of 'puppies - to baste or not to baste.'

[CUE: explosive applause]

Posted by John Climacus at 12:52 | Permalink

A blog buddy has momentarily dropped off the 'net. I'm hoping this is because of technical difficulties and not some critical condition. Supplementing the dead-blog-pool is not an attractive prospect.

The anonymity aspect of blogging is a hindrance to keeping in contact with people you get to know. I guess if we all used our real names we'd not have these troubling vanishings - although we'd have frighteningly tame posts to be sure.

In this case, I'm getting bummed. nikita demosthenes was one of the more complete collections of links on the Web, for my purposes. (Damn, did I just write that in the past tense? That was the cabernet talking. In reality I think Nat has undergone a glitch like anyone can have in this medium, In fact, I have a nifty Alpaca Burger graphic I want to put in the header and I'll bet you dollars to donuts that the first time I try it I will whack this site completely and have to spend days putting it back together. So let's switch to the present tense.)

The other more notable thing I enjoy about demosthenes is his thoroughness in researching his posts. I'll throw any old kind of crap up here based on my emotional explosions. Nat delivers a plethora of links and well-conceived narratives on almost every topic, from Ukrainian politics to American politics to the Greaseman to 7-Up basted ham. (Well, the ham links were not exactly doctorate-level material but the entertainment factor was undeniable.) He posts about 80 percent less often than me and about 300 percent better.

Hmm, the thought just struck me: Maybe Nat is a little TOO perfect. If I had consecrated this project as 'quality work all the time' then on those occasions when I REALLY fell off the wagon I'd probably wake up in the am and browse to my site in horror and shut the damn thing down ASAP.

Luckily for me, I have no such pretensions of excellence. You can browse the Alpaca Burger Forum archives and mine for nuggets of caca, and caca you shall reap.

This whole disappointment reminds me, a business continuity plan for bloggers would be a good thing. Those of us who are semi-anonymous should leave some instructions about notifying the world in case anything should happen. If you're a blogger and you're anything like me, your family has no idea how you do this stuff. If I got hit by a truck tomorrow, the Alpaca Burger Forum would stop dead in its tracks until my account with the host became overdue - which would not be till April 2006. And then it would just go off the air.

In my case, for instance, all my family knows is I sit on the couch with the laptop tapping away all evening long and crazy stuff keeps showing up here. They'd have no clue how to tell the world the Forum had closed its doors.

I propose bloggers should include instructions for shutting down or transferring their sites in their final arrangements. I imagine an envelope titled 'open this if I die' with IP addresses, user names, passwords and instructions for survivors about informing the blogosphere that one has passed on.

That's not such a bad idea, to be perfectly honest. If some blogger decided to create a database of business continuity information for blogs, that blogger might have a pretty lucrative operation going.

But I'm bullish on demosthenes. I think he'll be back. And if he is simply between hosts and needs help migrating to Movable Type, I'll be glad to help and promise to hardly screw it up much more than it is now.

UPDATE: Oh man, this is sad, just what we're talking about. He died last night. Referred by Regnum Crucis.

Posted by John Climacus at 12:35 | Permalink

Possibly the least interesting blog post ever: Congratulations, you've just read it.

Posted by John Climacus at 01:54 | Permalink

You are reading the First Post on the New, Improved, Completely Denuded Alpaca Burger Forum.

So THIS is what it's like to start anew. I like it!

The Alpaca Burger Forum might look like this for a LOOOONG time because, let me tell you, Movable Type template customizing is not, I repeat NOT intuitive.

Someday the old posts will be perhaps imported. Someday the blogroll will be back. For now and until I can sink some time into this little project, you are looking at it as it shall be. Nothing but content (emphasis, first syllable), my friend!

Maybe it will be BETTER content this time around. Maybe it will be less offensive. Now that would be some trick. Maybe it will be the type of content that Glenn Reynolds would link to every single day.

If you got sent here by a Google search and did not go to the precise archive page but just came here to the main page, well, you're in a bit of a pickle until I get those archives imported and the sidebar customized. Sorry about that. You could be missing a really interesting entry on just the topic you are researching (but, just between you and me, it's more likely you're missing some goofy bit of writing that has nothing to do at all with the type of information you need. But do come back because YOU'RE THE ONLY REAL TRAFFIC I EVER GET HERE AND I'LL JUST DIE IF I LOSE THAT LITTLE BIT.)

Ahem.

Anyway, I have a lot of real-life work to do and can't say what the future progress of the New Alpaca Burger Forum will look like. I'm just pleased I graduated from Greymatter on my own. I want to thank Noah Grey for that really nice piece of software which has kept us going since December 2003.

Posted by John Climacus at 12:48 | Permalink | Comments (1)

When you have 10 free minutes, Follow this link to get to the story.

Just incredible.

Posted by John Climacus at 01:32 | Permalink

Another heart-rending episode in the half-century of oppression visited upon the Palestinian people. As might be suspected, we can blame it on the Jews:

Palestinians looted dozens of greenhouses on Tuesday, walking off with irrigation hoses, water pumps and plastic sheeting in a blow to fledgling efforts to reconstruct the Gaza Strip.

American Jewish donors had bought more than 3,000 greenhouses from Israeli settlers in Gaza for $14 million last month and transferred them to the Palestinian Authority. Former World Bank President James Wolfensohn, who brokered the deal, put up $500,000 of his own cash.

For those who agonize over the question, 'Why do they hate us', please bear in mind the answer can be as simple as: 'Because they are idiots.'

Posted by John Climacus at 09:12 | Permalink

'M' is for...

For totally unrelated reasons I had to look up 'mendacity' in the dictionary today - never happened to use the word myself. I think it's fortuitous timing, but I'm not totally sure I'm using the word with complete accuracy here.

Does mendacity have a 'dopey' connotation to it, like when you are changing the subject and making stuff up so blatantly and ridiculously that the only one who doesn't realize how stupid you sound is you? Does it apply to the case of nonsense uttered so densely that like a cubist painting it fractures the conversation, a crescendo of twaddle opening a window into the speaker's inner being?

I'll stand corrected if there are better words for it. The transcript is now up:

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LANDRIEU: And I intend to find out why the federal - particularly the response of FEMA - was so incompetent and insulting to the people of our states.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WALLACE: Senator Landrieu, I want to ask you - and I'll ask you both, but let me start with you - about the local response.

Was it incompetent and insulting for Mayor Ray Nagin to order a mandatory evacuation, but then to leave buses - and we have a picture of them - hundreds of buses idle, so that they could be flooded, instead of using them to get people out.

LANDRIEU: Well, Chris, I was there, as you know, through the whole ordeal with state and local officials, and was right there with Louisiana Democrats and Republicans, city council members, police chiefs, mayors, the governors, and could watch what Haley Barbour was doing and Governor Riley in Alabama.

I am not going to level criticism at the local level. These people did...

WALLACE: But I'd like you to answer, if you could, this one specific question.

LANDRIEU: Well, I will. I will answer it. I am not going to level criticism at local and state officials. Mayor Nagin and most mayors in this country have a hard time getting their people to work on a sunny day, let alone getting them out of the city in front of a hurricane. And it's because this administration and administrations before them do not understand the difficulties that mayors - whether they are in Orlando, Miami, or New Orleans - face...

LANDRIEU: In other words, this administration did not believe in mass transit. They won't even get people to work on a sunny day, let alone getting them out...

WALLACE: But Senator, there were hundreds of buses sitting in that parking lot. Can I just ask the question?

LANDRIEU: You can, but let me finish, if I could, please.

(CROSSTALK)

WALLACE: Well, look in the picture here. There were hundreds of buses in parking lots. The city and the state.

LANDRIEU: That is underwater. Those...

WALLACE: It wasn't underwater before the...

LANDRIEU: Those buses were underwater. Those buses...

WALLACE: They weren't underwater on Saturday; they weren't underwater on Sunday.

LANDRIEU: We had two catastrophes. We had a hurricane and then we had a levee break. When the levee broke, not only did New Orleans go underwater, but St. Bernard when underwater and St. Tammany Parish went underwater.

WALLACE: But they weren't underwater on Sunday.

LANDRIEU: And Plaquemines went underwater. And because the mayor evacuated the city, we had the best evacuation between Haley Barbour and Kathleen Blanco of any evacuation I've seen. I'm 50 years old; I've never seen one any better.

WALLACE: But there were a hundred thousand people left in the city.

LANDRIEU: They did a hundred thousand people left in the city because this federal government won't support cities to evacuate people, whether it's from earthquakes, tornadoes, or hurricanes. And that's the truth.

And that will come out in the hearing...

LANDRIEU: Well, let me add something about our Guard and Reserve: we have 3,000 Guards men coming back from Iraq after they've served, sometimes twice. Our General Landreneau (ph) has said that he's giving them a break.

Thank God we have such a good leader. They need a break. They need to get with their families - many of them, their homes are destroyed. I read in the paper this morning, alarmingly, that the Mississippi governor is not going to allow the Mississippi Guard, or whoever is making that decision. And I'll plead for the Mississippi, for the Alabama Guard, and for the Louisiana Guard: please give these guys a break. They're carrying the weight of the world, literally, ion their shoulders.

And we cannot continue to burden the Guard and Reserve. Now, some of them can volunteer; that's great. But we have to be very careful about putting that burden on them. And let me say one thing I do agree with David about - and we agree with many things; he and I have worked very closely together this week - everyone will be held accountable. The president himself will be held accountable. This administration; I will be held accountable; Senator Vitter will be held accountable; and all state and local officials.

Now is not the time for finger-pointing. Now is the time to rebuild.

So, I'm asking the White House to stop sending out press releases blaming local and state officials.

WALLACE: But, Senator - I'm sorry. This works better if I get to ask some questions here.

LANDRIEU: I know. That would be fine.

WALLACE: OK, thank you. But you're the one who's done the finger-pointing. You were the one who, on the Senate floor, talked about the federal response being incompetent and insulting to the people of Louisiana. You were the one - if I might - and, I want to ask you, also, because you've also pointed the finger at the Bush administration for failing to spend enough on flood control.

Here's what you said this week on the Senate floor. Let's take a look.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

LANDRIEU: They gambled that no one would notice if Louisiana's critical and vital role in our national economy was threatened. And Washington rolled the dice and Louisiana lost.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WALLACE: But here is what the Washington Post found in an article this week, Senator. And let's put that up on the screen if we can: "The Bush administration's funding requests for the key New Orleans flood-control projects for the past five years were slightly higher than the Clinton Administration's for its past five years."

And, Senator, the article went on to say that Louisiana politicians, in too many cases, were involved in pork, rather than in trying to protect the city of New Orleans. And let's go back to the article. Let's put up another part of it: "For example, after a $194 million deepening project for the Port of Iberia flunked a Corps..." - that's an Army Corps of Engineer - "... cost-benefit analysis, Sen. Mary Landrieu tucked language into an emergency Iraq spending bill ordering the agency to redo its calculations."

So, question, Senator: Is it just the president who gambled and lost or, frankly, did a lot of Louisiana politicians, including you?

LANDRIEU: The president gambled and lost, and I'll tell you why, if you'll let me answer this question. Number one, it is true that the president gave slightly more than Bill Clinton. But what is also true is Bill Clinton was running the largest deficit created by the Reagan administration before him and the Bush administration before him.

President Bush was running a surplus. Yet, when he had a surplus, he didn't invest it in levees and flood protection for people from Miami to Orlando to New Orleans to Biloxi or to Mobile. He had other priorities.

And I have a letter I will submit to Fox Network.

Number two, on the issue...

WALLACE: We've only got about 30 seconds left.

LANDRIEU: OK. On the issue of that project: I'll tell you what that project was, that project of two ports in Louisiana. We have oil in Louisiana. My guys can't build the fabrications because they're being built in Korea and Indonesia. So, I thought: If you're taking our oil, for God's sakes, give us the jobs.

So, I put that in for the people of my state, so they could build the oil rigs that take the oil out of the ground. I will make no apologies for it and the Washington Post is wrong.

WALLACE: Senator Vitter, Senator Landrieu. We want to thank you both. We're going to have to leave it there. And our thoughts and prayers go out to the people of your state. Thank you so much.

VITTER: Thank you, Chris.

I'm thinking many Louisiana folks who saw this thought to themselves the 'M' stands for 'mistake.'

Posted by John Climacus at 12:25 | Permalink

The problems have been solved - actually they were solved yesterday early am. It's scary and apocalyptic to lose contact with your server for 48 hours, let me tell you. It makes you assume the worst.

As it is, the world hasn't ended and I can continue to toil away here, piling up more bad karma, earning my way into ever deeper circles of hell or just a longer term in purgatory, depending on whether we're talking pessimistically or optimistically.

Posted by John Climacus at 07:39 | Permalink

If you're reading this you probably should go out and buy a lottery ticket RIGHT NOW, because we are having big big big big server "issues", and as far as I can tell 999 out of every 1000 attempts to connect are timing out.

They tell me the problem is with Verizon.

All I know is I need to hit the button real quick or this post may never see the light of day, and if the world ends tomorrow I would never have posted the words above. Which would haunt me through eternity.

Have a good day and I hope to be back sometime. If this site never does revive do a google search on alpaca burger or newcounterculture every few weeks and someday you may find me again. Go buy that ticket!

Posted by John Climacus at 04:15 | Permalink

I can't festoon this post with links because of network issues, so we'll do this the old fashioned way: Dry text and simple references.

Shepard Smith is doing a helluva job with the FoxNews coverage. It's the only channel anyone is watching, and Shep is the guy on the ground who makes you feel like you know what it's like to be there.

He advocated for the poor souls stuck on the I-10 overpass, he reported from the Superdome with total exasperation, and now he is in the Mississippi disaster zone.

Last night he was in his native Mississippi at a table with a group of guys whose homes had been blown away, and who had set up a table on the foundation and were sitting in the subtropical air with bottles of Coors Light. Just a bunch of rednecks relaxing and downing brewskis, and Shep telling their story.

I've got no Tivo and not much memory besides, so I'll not be bringing you the blow by blow. But I'll just say if you have access to FoxNews, watch it these days. Shep is telling the stories at another level.

He makes you understand what it would be like to be there; he channels the appropriate outrage. He's done the best job of anyone in relating what is happening in the New Orleans hellhole.

Posted by John Climacus at 03:42 | Permalink

[How to Help in the Hurricane/Flood Relief Effort]

Here's another reason jihadis love them: They're mutually affiliated through the International Brotherhood of the Ignorant and Deranged.

Brace yourself:

Bush Cohorts Profiteering at all levels

As Donna reported yesterday, inept FEMA director Mike Brown told a reporter on Studio B that the removal of bodies from New Orleans was being handled by a company called "Kenyon". Kenyon International bills itself as "Worldwide Disaster Management." How convenient for GWBush to have a disaster management company that enriches his friends and supporters to clean up after him as he spreads disasters worldwide.

Kenyon is a wholly owned subsidiary of SCI Corp., "the largest provider of funeral, cremation, and cemetery services in North America." SCI Corp is owned by major Bush contributor and friend Robert Waltrip, who was at the center of the scandal known as "Funeralgate"...

Memo to Morons: Before this nonsense goes much further, and to save any of you who are not insane from embarrassment, please note.

Kenyon International Emergency Services was in existence for almost 50 years before SCI even existed. They're one of the very few companies in the world that does what they do.

SCI's relatively recent ownership of the company has nothing to do with Kenyon's singular status. It came about as a result of that status.

Take a look at the 'incidents' list of operations Kenyon has handled and, if you are not in fact crazy, you should see that A). These could NOT have all been George W. Bush's fault; B). George W. Bush could NOT have been responsible for getting Kenyon all the work; and C). The list includes a very high percentage of the mass fatality incidents that have occurred in the given time frame.

Quick test: Name a natural disaster, air collision or similar event anywhere in the world since 1996 (which is as far back as the online chronology goes) where Kenyon has not been involved in the response and recovery effort. There may have been some, but not many. When a whole bunch of people get killed, Kenyon will most likely be there to help sort things out afterwards.

In a situation such as we now have along the Gulf coast, Kenyon would always be right at the top of the list of responding institutions, along with FEMA and DMort.

If George W. Bush had never been born, Kenyon would still be doing that job right now.

UPDATE: Welcome, Ace of Spades readers!

Especially if you had to hit Ace's link 7 times before my server would let you in.

Thanks for your persistence, and we hope to have this network problem solved shortly. Normally, our blather pops up with lightning speed.

'Blather at the Speed of Light' was, I now admit, among the candidates for original title for this site, a title I never used; and which on account of the recent hosting troubles I hereby feel compelled to forfeit to whoever among you wishes to grab it and register the domain, for I obviously cannot deliver the speed of 'light.' I appear to be delivering the speed of 'carbon decay.' So grab the name. Grab your destiny. Go forth and blog. GO. FORTH. AND. BLOG.

And please stop by again because we'll soon have pictures of the 2005 herb garden and really it's just delightful how well some of these have done, just delightful.

Posted by John Climacus at 03:50 | Permalink

[How to Help in the Hurricane/Flood Relief Effort]

• St. Bernard Parish Fears 1,500 Dead

• Mile-long lines form for Red Cross debit cards

• Please visit the NFDA Web site for information on offering your services as a funeral director in the affected areas. This is an offer of PAID temporary employment.

• Michiganians helping at makeshift morgues along Gulf Coast

• Kenyon International Emergency Services hired to handle fatalities

• 880 foreigners still missing

• New Orleans readies 25,000 body bags

• The Heroes of The Katrina Disaster

• Few Islands in a Sea of Troubles

• More Confusion, Lines for Disaster Aid

• New Orleans' Aquarium Mostly Killed Off

• 332 evacuees start new lives in S.C.

• Lessons not learned before Katrina hit

• Mississippi residents welcome signs of recovery

• City had evacuation plan but strayed from strategy

• Army National Guard issuing a call to arms

• Red Cross In Tulsa Say No Fraud Problems So Far

• True leaders emerge in hurricane's aftermath

• A 'cane could drown N.Y.C.

Posted by John Climacus at 01:15 | Permalink

This one I also have strayed away from because they have gotten so high and mighty their page takes like 3 minutes to load. But read it. Frank J. is still there.

Posted by John Climacus at 04:37 | Permalink

I need to do another funny-guy roundup. I also need to take some vacation time and sort my mail for the past year, so maybe the funny-guy deal will be on the back burner a little longer.

But leaving all that aside, I will note that Iowahawk is finally back. Bookmark him.

Posted by John Climacus at 04:11 | Permalink

...actually, it's really more of an 'adventure/mystery' -- don't skip to the conclusion or you'll ruin the surprise ending!

THE LIE OF THE CENTURY:

Did the government of the United States lie to the American people, more to the point, did President Bush and his Neocon associates lie to Congress, to initiate a war of conquest in Iraq?

This question has been given currency by a memo leaked from inside the British Government which clearly indicates a decision to go to war followed by the "fixing" of information around that policy. This is, as they say, a smoking gun.

But the fact is that long before this memo surfaced, it had become obvious that the US Government, aided by that of Great Britain, was lying to create the public support for a war in Iraq.

The Siege of New Orleans:

The administration intentionally withheld desperately needed aid to the city to force Governor Kathleen Blanco into surrendering control of the National Guard and local police to federal authority. This explains why neither FEMA, nor Homeland Security nor the Pentagon lifted a finger to help the distraught townspeople for 4 full days. The administration was using vital supplies as bargaining chips to bribe the governor into submission. The goal was to dismantle regional defenses and militarize a major port city; an ambition that persists to this day.

The Katrina disaster provided the cover for the Pentagon to launch military operations against US citizens for the first time in modern history. Their effort was badly bungled, but the attempt is chilling nonetheless.

Eyewitness Report from New Orleans:

Those who manage a system that always and everywhere puts the needs of business and private property ahead of the people, that always find money to fund wars that benefit the rich of this country rather than meeting people's needs should be held responsible and accountable. The real problem however, is not with the managers of the system, but with the system itself. They call it the free market. It is the economic and social system of plutocracy, the system of modern capitalism, of, by, and for the rich that in words declares itself to be of, by and for the people. The reality, however, can now been seen in the streets of New Orleans.

Boycott Israel Campaign:

Whilst it is true that the cancerous zionist entity has got its tentacles hooked into numerous markets and economies - sucking each one to nourish itself, but this is no excuse for us not to do anything. The companies on our list are chosen for being the major supporters of Israel - those that Israel itself has honoured and bestowed awards upon in recognition of being its key supporters in the world.

In Praise of Looting:

Looting is not a problem in New Orleans right now. People have a right to take what they need to survive. Even if they take things that aren't needed for survival, those of us watching from the comfort of our dry homes have no reason to complain about these actions. Finally, let's remember that looting is a form of wealth redistribution. When rich people loot, they call it capitalism, good business practices, third quarter dividends, the new economy and "giving people job."

Cheney's `Guns of August':

The chronology that follows provides a picture of the drumbeat for war against Iran, orchestrated by the same neo-con and Bush-Cheney Administration war party apparatus that lied America into the pre-emptive war against Iraq. Initially, leading neo-cons in and around the Bush Administration had thought that a "cakewalk" victory in Iraq in the Spring 2003 would lead, in rapid succession, to "regime change" in Syria and Iran.

Playing 'The Troops' Card:

The fact is that "The Troops" have become political footballs for individuals on both sides of the war debate, but more shamelessly so by hyper pro-war zealots. They use the troop card to silence and stifle debate. Since they can't debate the facts and surrounding circumstances of this war they resort to vilifying dissenters with scare tactics which seek to prevent them from speaking out unless they want their humanity and patriotism questioned.

Their version of "Supporting the Troops" would (and does) lead to absolute intellectual tyranny when taken to its logical conclusion. It assumes that every war must be "supported," no matter how unnecessary and evil it may be, out of deference to the troops. And if you have a problem with it, then you hate the troops and you hate your country.

Ok, I guess that's enough for today's little whirlwind tour. Now, I know what you're thinking:

Geez, Climacus, where do you GET this stuff? Are you spending hours each day drilling down into the sites of the Democratic National Committee? The Nation? Democratic Underground? Larouche Publications? CounterPunch? Daily Kos? Robert Fisk? A million other progressive Web pages?

Ha! Well, while I understand your thinking, I truly must answer "No, no, no, no, no, no and NO."

In fact, to stay current on cutting-edge liberal thought, I hardly need to work at all: I only need to visit ONE Web site. It's the Web site where I know I will find all of the above links, and so, SO many more.

For me, the one-stop, authoritative Internet portal on modern liberalism is none other than Jihad Online.

Because jihadis, on top of all their wild, wacky ways, loooooove 'PROGRESSIVISM'.

Why is this? Who knows. Maybe it has something to do with the fact they've figured out one side is Good For Jihad and the other side is Bad.

Maybe the tribe members have already formed alliances.

Maybe they simply have discovered a common culinary ground in hummus and tabouli.

Whatever the reason, I can tell you right now if you want to ensure you'll be steeped in the latest left-wing ideology, just hang a while with your Wahhabi homeboys. Before you know it you'll be talkin' the talk with the cogency of a genuine, modern-day Kennedy.

There's a Lawrence of Arabia theme here just waiting to be brought out, but I guess that one will have to wait for another day.

Posted by John Climacus at 03:14 | Permalink

• Click on this map to find current flood levels in different parts of New Orleans

• First EPA Tests Confirm New Orleans Floodwater Risky Even for Skin Contact

• Tally of evacuees in Houston shelters drops dramatically as people leave for new accommodations, new jobs and new lives

• Pet dog, Snowball, to reunite with young La. owner

• New Orleans Superdome an 'unholy mess', may have to be demolished

• Snipers Firing On Workers Repairing Cell Phone Towers

• Military Response to Katrina Intensifies

• Teams collect and identify the dead

• Gangs, crowding, bring tinge of evacuee backlash

• Town prepares to welcome the dead

• Poll: Most Americans believe New Orleans will never recover

• Emptiness, silence of city makes haunting impression

• The Lure of Coastal Life Outweighs The Risks

• FEMA Chief Waited Until After Storm

• Louisiana Officials Could Lose the Katrina Blame Game

• One city's tragedy may be another's boon

• Officials: Chemicals bigger concern than cholera

• Reporter for Fla. Newspaper Shot in La.

• St. Bernard Parish hit hard

Posted by John Climacus at 06:36 | Permalink

I like to read WND a couple times a week at least, and I subscribe to their magazine, which is pretty interesting most of the time, but when the lede of your headline story of the day is

JERUSALEM - While most religious authorities seem to agree one cannot discern the intentions of God...

But, with a headline like this, of course, nobody but me likely made it to the first paragraph:

Did God send Katrina

as revenge over Gaza?

Eerie parallels between forced evacuations spark speculation

Not doing so good on the credibility-meter, guys. Hurtin' a little in the theology department as well, I would suggest. But today's a thin blogging day so that discussion will have to take place down the road.

Posted by John Climacus at 12:38 | Permalink

This should have been a serious post about an interesting mini-event we held tonight, but I sat down and relaxed, and then an I Love Alpacas commercial came on, which lightened my mood further, and then I surfed over to MonkeyWatch, so now I'm going to write this post instead.

It's my blog I can do what I want to.

Here is the news item in question:

Boaters protest proposed natural gas facility

NEW HAVEN, Conn. -- Boaters are mobilizing to protest plans for a floating liquefied natural gas terminal in the middle of Long Island Sound.

About 100 protesters on 30 New Haven Yacht Club sailboats carried placards Monday to kick off a monthlong protest of the proposed $700 million facility.

Gov. M. Jodi Rell has already formed a task force to study how the planned terminal might affect Connecticut.

Dave Brinley was among the boaters sailing through Morris Cove. He carried a sign that read "Our Water. Not Broadwater."

The facility would be about 10 stories tall and four football fields long. It would be anchored about 11 miles from East Haven, just over the New York boundary in the Sound.

Officials from Broadwater Energy LLC have argued the facility is a safe new source of clean energy to ease power shortages on Long Island.

But Connecticut and New York boaters argue the facility would turn Long Island Sound into a public safety and environmental hazard, as well as a private industrial zone because it is being proposed by Shell Oil Co. and TransCanada Corp.

The group Save the Sound argues the terminal would also violate citizens' public access rights to the Sound.

"We dont want the Sound to become a base for industrial operations, and basically, this is opening that door," said Larry Smith, spokesman for the New Haven Yacht Club. "There are all kinds of things that can go wrong out there."

Smith said his group also opposes the proposal because it would prevent boaters from accessing the water near the terminal...

And here is the MonkeyWatch synopsis-link:

"There are all kinds of things that can go wrong out there"

New Haven Yacht Club interrupts rounds of grabass and hot toddy to denounce property rights for others.

That, my friends, is art. It's something I cannot do - as evidenced by the frequently interminable posts here - and it makes for a phenomenal blog 'voice.'

I know, on any given day, I can go to MonkeyWatch and find a succession of these single sentence, quick hit synopses, most of which are, of course, about monkey stuff; many about other animals; a good number about human interest factoids to amuse your grandmother; and periodic current events.

But all presented in the clever, one-liner format with catchy headlines and things that make you go 'yikes!' around every corner. There's actual content and wry humor, and I love it.

As an example of the attitude, on the one occasion I managed to scoop MonkeyWatch on a story, Ed gave me my props in the comments here, then immediately turned around and hammered out something like six links to the same story, as if to say to any potential interlopers: 'Tread on MonkeyWatch turf if ye dare: but take care, because MonkeyWatch watches ye.'

I had been thinking of horning in with this kind of neat 'PotatoWatch' angle, spanning the whole gamut from artificial side dishes to Polish folk festivals, but I totally backed off, man. I can't do one-liners and I just can't compete at that level.

Posted by John Climacus at 12:38 | Permalink

[How to Help in the Hurricane/Flood Relief Effort]

• Katrina Victims Could Be Cremated - FEMA contacting local crematoriums

• 'Living hell' - Bodies found piled in freezer at Convention Center

• A Day with the Undertaker from Gulfport

• Mortuary Teams Start New Orleans House-To-House Search For Bodies

• Morgue ready to receive more than 5,000 bodies

• Many Victims May Never Be Identified

• Photo database of kids looking for their parents

• Pumps begin removing water; mayor braces for what will be found under the floodwaters

• Say hello to new city-within-a-city in Texas

• Sad story of boy and his dog grips nation

• Levee board under federal investigation before Katrina hit

• Residents Survive With Stone Age Skills

• Governor Blanco Piddles While New Orleans Burns