You ever get into one of those moods where all of as sudden everything that used to get you worked up now just bores the shit out of you? I've been in one of those lately, and from this vantage point everything that's been written here the past couple years just seems incredibly sucky.

On that note I'm going to try some different things for new posts, and ceremoniously deposit all the old posts into the generic category of "sucky" with the recommendation that you never, ever read any of them - but keeping them available for my own sake to maintain a healthy sense of fallibility.

Also the blogroll will be back in the near future. I've just been very busy lately.

Also I got the boxed set of the first three seasons of "24" on DVD as an anniversary present, and I have to say this is the equivalent of having your wife toss you a couple eight-balls and a few cases of Coors Light and saying "have fun, honey see you in three days!"

Each season is like having a day-long movie with incredible plot twists every half hour and suspense and action sequences that just play bongo on your synapses. I feel like that guy in Brainstorm who got his head all screwed up with the tape loop.

I hope this doesn't sound gay or anything, but that Kiefer Sutherland is just dreamy...

Posted by John Climacus at 03:00 | Permalink

I made the decision a couple weeks ago to write only when I am feeling centered, within myself, existentially sure-footed, clear of mind and soul and able to dedicate 100% of my concentration and creativity to the task…basically, only when I have something worthwhile to say.

This has been the result.

So I guess either I better relax my standards or this is going to become one of those “ghost blogs” that drifts, still and darkened, far off into the remotest silent corner of the Internet, only visible to human eyes when some poor, misdirected individual goes searching for information on AAA Trash Service or some such. I did not sign up to skipper a ghost blog so it’s time to type some crap.

I’m actually in the midst of a career crisis which I’m not going to bore you with, but only to say it has had something to do with the lack of productivity here. I’ve sort of hated my job for a number of years – long before this Web site came into existence – but because the money is pretty good I’ve taken the resigned, philosophical approach: “Well, it’s been all downhill since the Garden of Eden anyway, some folks don’t even have jobs”…etc, etc. The past couple years, though, have really been quite bad, and this here 2005 calendar year has just plain sucked donkey.

The cherry on the sundae was last week when I went to the executive board with the request to add a single frigging admin person – a position several people back at the office are eagerly hoping to get filled and which clearly needs to be filled because we are being asked to take on several major new programs – and was told the request needs to be in the form of a marketing plan “so we can tear it apart.”

In other words, “don’t hold your breath on getting that new person hired, and please get your hoop-jumping boots on because we want to see you dance a little, podner.”

Maybe it was not intended that way, but it is the practical result. In any case, it’s pointless: I don’t need to create a bunch of cost-of-sales figures and revenue projections to explain that more work requires more people. You tell me the company needs to produce X, Y, and Z additional tasks, I say: Fine, here’s how much the additional manpower will cost to do those things. End of “presentation.”

In my regular, personal life, when confronted with a challenge that seems to set me up for purposeless inconvenience, I will, 100% of the time, tell the challenger to take a hike. Put me on hold too long, I will hang up and cancel my relationship with you at the earliest possible time and for all eternity. Keep me waiting in line too long, I will put the items back on the shelf and leave your store, for all eternity. Even if I’m just trying to make a left turn out of a parking lot, if too many goobers are toddling along from either direction leaving me stuck waiting for their fat butts to get down the road, I will say “eat shit and die, lard asses” and take a right turn even if it means going around the block, just to be in control of my own destiny.

I am that kind of guy. And I’m thinking real hard about taking a right, right about now. More, and probably more interesting, later.

Also, there are some things still a little messed up from the redesign but I will be fixing them soon and then this blog is going to absolutely SHIMMER my friend. You will come back over and over just to gaze at the graphics. HA HA HA HA HA!

Posted by John Climacus at 01:33 | Permalink | Comments (1)

As we are still semi-out-of-pocket and unable to piece together a full-fledged post, I'll be happy to pass along this note from a buddy in the north country:

Here is another strange one from Minnesota.

I received a strange telephone poll this evening. The poll taker did not tell me the name of the polling company (which leads me to believe it was from a campaign). I love giving people my opinion, so I agreed to take the poll. I was asked if I voted in the 2004 Presidential election. I was asked if I plan on voting in the 2006 elections. I was asked if I planned on voting in the 2006 Minnesota primaries. I answered "Yes" to all. Then, I was asked if I would vote in the DFL primary, or the Republican primary. I answered "Republican". Then the pollster said "This phone call is going to disconnect". I asked "Why" and the line went dead.

My take on this is, the Dems designed a survey very limited in scope, with no provision for gathering any information from likely Republican voters. You'd think they'd have thrown in at least one question to ascertain which, if any, issues or stands turned you against their candidate. Or what might turn you back.

Or at least throw in some push-polling item about one of the Republican candidates like "On a scale from 1 to 5, with 1 meaning Very Much Agree and 5 meaning Very Much Disagree, how would you say you agree with Candidate X's position that children from less affluent families should be sent to factory jobs to make our schools safer?"

But it's getting pretty late in the game and they possibly are trying to create one last ad campaign or public statement to ensure they get out the base.

Posted by John Climacus at 10:49 | Permalink

...or rather, lack thereof. I am traveling so posting will be sporadic and, as usual, probably quite unwelcome. Venture back at your own risk until about the end of the month.

On the other hand, I do promise some pretty pictures.

In the meantime, news about the latest George W. Bush imbroglio is available here.

Posted by John Climacus at 01:29 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Some news from MEMRI. First:

On Islamic Websites: A Guide for Preparing Nuclear Weapons

The "Encyclopedia," which contains nine lessons in approximately 80 pages in Arabic, was published under the title "The Nuclear Bomb of Jihad and the Way to Enrich Uranium" and was presented as "a gift to the commander of the Jihad fighters, Sheikh Osama bin Laden, for the purpose of Jihad for the sake of Allah."

The "Encyclopedia" was published as "a scientific research by Jihad Fighter No. 1," who wrote: "For the past two years, I have been studying nuclear physics through various scientific forums and Jihadist forums. Similarly, I have been studying the technology of missiles and various types of explosives and explosive devices.

One is that paragon of free speech, which 'filters its search results so that a search for "Free Tibet" in Chinese yields zero Web pages': Yahoo.

The other is an organization in Kentucky called GmbH, contact information as follows:

OrgName: Hosting-Network GmbH
OrgID: HOSTI-3
Address: 247 Mitch Lane
City: Hopkinsville
StateProv: KY
PostalCode: 42240
Country: US

Next: Hizbullah TV:

According to ISNA, the Spokesman of Iran's Hizbullah, Mojtaba Bigdeli, said: "We are presently holding talks with satellite TV channels for airing our programs. So far, we have received proposals and members of Hizbullah's Central Council will announce their final decision in the near future."

Bigdeli also said the satellite TV channel Kheibar will become operational "in the next couple of months" and that Kheibar's programs will be "mainly broadcast in North America and Europe … Currently we are procuring the hardware."

I am willing to do the overdubbing.

Posted by John Climacus at 12:20 | Permalink

Anthropologists have uncovered a piece of bone in Indonesia which is being touted as evidence of yet another variation of the human species, perhaps one that for a time lived alongside homo sapiens:

Scientists say they have found more bones in an Indonesian cave that offer additional evidence of a second human species - short and hobbit-like - that roamed the Earth the same time as modern man...

The discovery of a jaw bone, to be reported in Thursday's issue of the journal Nature, represents the ninth individual belonging to a group believed to have lived as recently as 12,000 years ago. The bones are in a wet cave on the island of Flores in the eastern limb of the Indonesian archipelago, near Australia.

In 2004, scientists announced their original, sensational discovery of a delicate skull and partial skeleton of a female, nicknamed "Hobbit" and believed to be 18,000 years old. In addition, they found separate bones and fragments of other individuals ranging in age from 12,000 to 95,000 years old.

The findings have ignited a controversy unlike any other in the often- contentious study of human origins.

The tiny bones have enchanted many anthropologists who accept the interpretation that these diminutive skeletons belonged to a remnant population of prehistoric humans that were marooned on Flores with dwarf elephants and other miniaturized animals, giving the discovery a kind of fairy tale quality.

But there's more:

"Many syndromes can cause microencephaly and dwarfism and they all need to be considered," said Lieberman, who wrote a commentary in Nature. "The findings are not only astonishing, but also exciting because of the questions they raise...."

And, they report finding the lower jaw bone that does not belong to any of the previously discovered individuals. An analysis of firepit charcoal found nearby in the excavation layer suggests the jawbone is 15,000 years old. It suggests a weaker chin with smaller tooth dimensions than LB1, but otherwise shares the same characteristics.

"They almost certainly belong to the same species," Lieberman concluded.

Posted by John Climacus at 06:48 | Permalink

[NEWEST UPDATE: You should probably read this note we received from Andy Willoughby before delving into what I have to say, for the sake of balance. I'm still no fan of the business, but I'm ready to admit Andy means well and deserves a look if you are interested. You may be cut out for work I am simply not cut out for.

[NOTE: If you are looking for complete information on Andy Willoughby and the Three-Step Plan, be sure to visit our new, improved, information-rich post on the topic via this link. But please go ahead and read this one while you are here.]

Eventually we knew we'd have to address this 'Andy Willoughby Three Step Plan' topic in some depth because those search engine links amount to, as a percentile, approximately a million-billion percent of the visits to the Alpaca Burger Forum.

Most people are finding our references here, on the old site.

But - Yay! Google followed us! We are now getting visits on the corresponding page at the new site.

This is from Craig:

Howdy -- I got here on this Google search: "talk radio" advertisers awful "three step plan". I listen to AM960 KSTP here in Phoenix (conservative) and every time that annoying "how in the world are ya?" comes on, I leap for the next station. Anything. I wonder how many listeners those Andy Willoughby ads drive away! Anyone who makes merchandise of his faith like that is despicable. Unfortunately, it's become an accepted thing in Christendom today. Ugh.

EVERYONE knows home-based business offerings are, largely, scams. I have no statistical proof, to be sure, but the anecdotal evidence is damning. The impression I get from my own experience and people I've talked to is, these are shallow enterprises conceived primarily to gain revenue from membership fees paid by the new franchisees, rather than goods sold to the general public.

In my mind, it's in the same category as the motivational business speaker who sells books or audio packages, after you've paid a fee to attend the Convention to gain the information the speaker led up to in his or her address, and now is proposing to SELL you to show you how to make money or win friends or whatever you were supposed to get out of the seminar.

(Well, maybe that's not a perfect parallel, but it is what I think of first).

Here's a worthwhile exercise: Visit the Andy Willoughby Web site.

See that tagline in the header: 'Hi, how in the world are you anyway'? You know what that is?

That, my friend - be you Christian or secular, sacred or profane - is asinine.

It's saying: 'The folksy-sounding tagline from the radio commercials, which evokes Ned Flanders for the folks who actually IDENTIFY with Ned Flanders, is deemed by us to be the singular message which most enchants our audience. Which says something about how we think about our audience.'

It's saying: 'Although what we appear to be proposing reeks of scamola with a 'Bible' bookcover on it...you know in your heart you trust us, because we're all on 'the same team' here. 'Christians,' don't ya' know it.'

There is precious little information on Andy Willoughby's Web site to allow a visitor to evaluate the 'plan'. So little, in fact, you have to wonder why the supposedly godly are stuck in the 1950s era of business practices.

Hey Andy: Nowadays you TELL people what you're selling.

Maybe I'm being too harsh on Andy Willoughby and his plan. For all I know, he is simply encouraging entrepreneurship and family-owned businesses. That's a SMART thing, no doubt. If more people tried it, we'd have a lot more wealthy families in this country and that would be good.

But the packaging bespeaks questionable content:

To learn about the The 3 Step Plan™ we have developed short recorded phone messages that will thoroughly explain our system. Just fill out the brief form below, and we will call you back and play you the message over the phone.

Would you also, by any chance, be willing to bombard me with mail solicitations to advance me credit to buy more stuff; or, possibly, send someone to knock on my front door around 7:00 pm? Because if I'm the kind of guy who gets turned on by the prospect of recorded phone messages, you can bet I'll be sitting in the hallway waiting eagerly for a door-knocker.

As long as they're 'Christian,' like me, of course.

I hate it when I find myself on the highway behind someone with one of those fish symbols on the back of their vehicle going 52 mph in the far left-hand lane. Hey, just because you say you're a Christian doesn't mean you can get a free pass to tick off 30 other people. Or behind the happy 'Christian' in line at the supermarket who strikes up a long jovial conversation with the cashier at 6:00 pm on a Friday evening when there are 8 people in line waiting to get home to make dinner for their families.

Waving that 'Christian' banner is all fine and good, but even when done in good faith it does not excuse stupidity or anti-social behavior. Being a self-absorbed dope is, in my book, a sin against the intelligence God gave us. In Andy Willoughby's case, judging by appearances, I'd have to question whether the blockheadedness is being manifested in good faith at all.

Doing it in bad faith is a far more egregious sin than many others, if you ask me.

UPDATE: I probably should have started out with this link. Long story short: It's multi-level marketing:

Month 2: You now have 5 people on your team, who purchase 2 shares each, for a total of 10 shares. 10 shares x 2 new reps = 20 new reps.

This is were leverage starts kicking in. Remember! If you and your reps purchase 2 shares of advertising each for $200, you are getting the benefit of $1000 in total advertising, even though you personally continued to spend $200! Wow!

Month 3: You now have 25 customers or business partners on your team, who purchase 2 shares each, for a total of 50 shares. 50 shares x 2 new reps = 100 new reps. (Your business is now being driven by the equivalent of $5,000 in free advertising that month!)

Month 4: You now have 125 customers or business partners on your team, who purchase 2 shares each, for a total of 250 shares. 250 shares x 2 new reps, = 500 new reps.

This one is a twist on the formula whereby new 'business-owners' pay a recurring fee to support a radio advertising effort, in addition to selling the product. The more business owners you get involved, the more you make.

I'd like to know if the 'religious' radio stations like WAVA have even looked into what it is all about. Maybe they have: There is definitely a pseudo-Christian ideology that has gotten tied into Amway - I know this from people I've been solicited by, but haven't yet explored the mechanics of it.

My personal take is, tying multi-level marketing into religious communities is pretty low, pretty friggin' low indeed. I seem to recall a certain old story in which moneychangers were swept rather violently out of the Temple.

UPDATE II: A good study on the religious overtones of multi-level marketing is here.

Also, Joe Carter at the excellent Evangelical Outpost touches on the flip-side of this, the multi-level marketing aspects of religious evangelism:

The young man was earnest and sincerely wanted to do “God’s work.” But evangelism isn’t a form of Multi-Level Marketing and the “Good News” isn’t an Amway product. The least he could have done was ask my name before trying to save my soul. If your going to ask about a “personal savior” then at least get to know the person.

The term “evangelism” derives from the greek word evangel – “good news.” So it’s rather odd how so much evangelism appears to be about “selling” Jesus and hoping that you can convince the unsaved heathen to “buy” into salvation. This was the way I had been taught during Vacation Bible School classes at the First Baptist Church of Fire and Brimstone. Pass out Chick tracts, recite the canned “how to get saved” speech, get them to say the sinner’s prayer. Above all, close the deal. They may die at any time and their souls would be lost to eternal damnation if I didn’t “make the sell.” At eight years old I was a cross between Billy Graham and Willy Loman.

There are more blatant exercises, in politics and direct marketing, using religious social groups as mini sales audiences. From a marketing standpoint, after all, you have a self-identified cultural demographic that lends itself quite well to certain sales messages. While some of the marketers truly mean well so you can't write them all off as scheming hustlers, it is nonetheless a depressing phenomenon.

Posted by John Climacus at 01:18 | Permalink | Comments (44)

Lest anyone get the impression this site offers nothing more than idolatry and garden slugs, we offer this bit of Americana, demonstrating once again the sweet serenity making it all worthwhile:

[This is actually a test post because all of a sudden Movable Type started choking on me when I attempted to post, so I figure, if you're going to put up a 'Under Repair' sign, you might as well use a puppy. Now wouldn't this be a nice approach out on the Interstate for those folks who have been sitting in a traffic jam for 2 hours?]

Posted by John Climacus at 04:06 | Permalink

Sorry for the lack of productivity in this space but I personally require a certain amount of LEISURE and damned if I will let BLOGGING interfere with that. Why just last evening I was saying to my pals down at the club: 'Hey boys, let's hoist a milkshake or three and then go give the skee-ball what for!'

That was all it took to get spirits ablaze and the next thing you know it's the wee hours am!

How you gonna blog on a night like this?

Anyway, I presume my schedule will lighten up most assuredly in the near future. The redesign is supposed to be happening. Thank goodness I did not try to do it myself or I'd be standing in the treetops shouting curses at the moon right now. (On account of the stress, y'see.)

I do think all the conservative hullaballoo about Harriet Miers not being the ideal Supreme Court nomination is sort of perverse (has President Bush appointed any liberals to any bench so far?) but also understandable. A bona fide conservative ideologue about 10 years younger would have felt better. Considering how long the Supreme Court has loomed as the last bastion of liberal political power, it would have been nice to see that whole concept blown up with a bazooka rather than gently obscured with smoky glass.

(And the accompanying culture war would have been fine kindling for all sorts of political organizations the next 1-2 years. Think of the money that could have been raised with Janet Janice Rogers Brown's picture on the letters!)

I gotta run! The guys are yellin' for me to hop in the jump seat and head down to the polo field with 'em, and later we're all donnin' zoot suits and standin' on the corner. Life in this city is a racket, I tells ya, but I sure do love it!

UPDATE: All of a sudden MT won't even allow us to post new posts here - we are getting a 'permission denied' error and have not done anything to change permissions. Because of the press of life, this may shut us down for awhile, as I probably won't have time to rebuild till next year. If so, AMF.

Posted by John Climacus at 10:52 | Permalink