Hey guys! Sorry, I guess I didn't get the memo...

[Tugs collar nervously a la Rodney Dangerfield]

This makes me remember back 10 years ago when the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy was just getting started. We met at this guy named Bob's house on the first and third Tuesday.

I always got to the meeting late because I had to pick up the pizza. And then I always had to leave early to go down to Sears and see if our "sky hook" had come in yet, which by the way it never did. But after four or five months the guys on the Sears loading dock would have a cup of coffee ready for me and they were always in a REAL happy mood, so I guess it all turned out ok.

Posted by John Climacus at 10:24 | Permalink

I'm as big a sucker as the next guy when it comes to the cutesy stuff. What can I say?

Posted by John Climacus at 09:16 | Permalink

E-mail joke. About once a year I run across one of these good enough to post...

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport passenger lounge in Bozeman, Montana, awaiting their flights.

One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer. Another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East.

Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around, and the old windsock is flapping; but still no plane comes.

Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."

The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl,

"That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'."

Posted by John Climacus at 10:49 | Permalink

If anyone dear to you still believes the Democratic Party is, among American political institutions, the standard-bearer of decency, integrity and Christian charity, do not give them a copy of Donkey Cons, the new historical work by Lynn Vincent and Robert Stacy McCain.

It might be too jarring.

First, give your friend or family member a fifth of decent scotch. Share a nip or two to establish conviviality and soften the defenses. THEN bring out the copy of Donkey Cons. If you can get them through the first two chapters, you will likely have performed a successful intervention.

Donkey Cons traces the history of the Democratic Party from its ignominious origins (founded by the scoundrel Aaron Burr - among many facts the modern Democratic leadership do not want you to know) to the present day. Witty, narrated in a lively style and meticulously footnoted, this important chronicle should be sine qua non on every political reference shelf.

For those who have suspected the Democrats are not quite as sparkly white as they make themselves out to be, this book provides the concrete historical evidence. Co-author McCain says his original proposed title was "Where the bodies are buried' (shot down by the marketing folks), and Donkey Cons provides a litany of facts and events proving once and for all there really is a Party of Weasels here in the US of A.

It's a rollicking ride over a broad historical landscape, detailing the many criminal beneficiaries of Democratic indulgence. To name a few: Billy Ayers, Bernardine Dohrn, Bobby Seal, Mumia Abu-Jamal, Stanley "Tookie" Williams, Stewart Pearson, Joe Smith - some bad, BAD characters.

As the authors note:

The party has long courted the votes of criminals, going back at least as far as the days when "the dregs of the city" supported Tammany's Fernando Wood in New York. More than one hundred years ago, one Republican noted that "the criminal class of great cities...by the natural law of their being, find their congenial place in the Democratic Party." This has been conclusively proven by sociologists Christopher Uggen of the University of Minnesota and Jeff Manza of Northwestern University. Research by these two left-wing academics, who support voting rights for felons, revealed several interesting facts:

-Convicted felons would vote for Democrats by an overwhelming 68.9 percent margin.

-In the 2000 presidential election, more than 4.6 million Americans were barred from voting because of felon disenfranchisement laws...

-Had it not been for the disenfranchisement of felons, Democrats would have maintained control of the Senate continuously since 1986...

Just as they never let historical facts stand in the way of smearing Republicans as racist, Democrats don't let the Constitution stand in the way of pandering to criminals. In February 2002, Democratic Sen. Harry Reid of Nevada offered an amendment to a voting rights bill that would have prevented states from disenfranchising felons. Such a measure would certainly have been declared unconstitutional by the Supreme Court, but twenty-seven Democratic senators voted in favor of it, including Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, Barbara Boxer, Dick Durbin, and Patrick Leahy. Mrs Clinton said she supported the amendment because she was opposed to "disenfranchisement of legitimate American voters."

After just a few days of digging up Democratic scoundrels, it began to appear that the main difference between the Democrats and the Gambino mob is that Democrats qualify for federal matching funds...

That last fellow, in case you are not familiar with the particulars, is undoubtedly the most egregious, ironic stain on modern American politics. If you don't know the specifics of what happened at Chappaquiddick, you are in for a very big surprise. Old news can still be big news.

And the news is not just the girl who lived for nearly an hour in the submerged car, but the senator who let her die and still evokes respect from the Democratic rank and file:

The people of Massachusetts resoundingly reelected Ted Kennedy, and continued to do so, paving his way to address a national television audience from the 1988 Democratic National Convention...Kennedy attacked the Republican presidential candidate, vice president George H.W. Bush...He hammered off a list of issues, punctuating each one with an indignant rally cry: "Where was George?"

The Iran-Contra scandal?

"Where was George?"

The national deficit?

"Where was George?"

But no one at DNC headquarters seemed to grasp the irony of having "Chappaquiddick Ted," who himself went missing that dark morning in a fit of criminal negligence, bellowing "Where was George?"

But Republicans did. Within two days, they printed up T-shirts bearing the answer to the senator's question: DRY, SOBER, AND HOME WITH HIS WIFE.

The difference lies in the upshot:

What is important here is a pattern of behavior by the Democratic Party. That pattern extends beyond the fact that the best available catalogs of corrupt U.S. politicians, though admittedly incomplete, show Democrats substantially outnumbering Republicans among those convicted of serious crimes...

Scandals generally have a devastating effect on the careers of Republicans, and partisan loyalty doesn't seem to prevent Republicans from sending their fellow Republicans to jail....

But even more valuable than putting those lies to rest is the book's unveiling of "progressive" ideology. The mainstream media and the scions of modern academia play a huge role in buttressing the purveyors of liberal ideas and liberal misbehaviour. Bottom line: It's a total scam, and if most Americans had any idea what the progressives were up to it would mean the end of the legitimacy of liberalism:

In 1965, Herbert Marcuse expounded his doctrine of "progressive intolerance." Refuting traditional liberal ideas of tolerance elaborated by John Stuart Mill and others, Marcuse said that progressive values required the "suppression" of right-wing or "regressive" movements: "Liberating tolerance, then, would mean intolerance against movements from the Right, and toleration of movements from the Left."

Democrats seem to routinely survive scandals that might have a career-ending impact for Republicans...

Democrats' belief that they are fighting against such powerful evils - and if Democratic politicians don't really believe this, their millions of loyal voters obviously do - draws them into the Marcusean conceit of "progressive tolerance." The ends justify the means. What's a little graft, a little corruption, a drowned campaign worker, or a scandal that's "just about sex" to a party doing battle against the rapacious forces of greed and oppression?

Be sure to read the Donky Cons blog, and buy this book; in fact, buy several copies. Give one to each of your friends, especially the misguided ones. After reading it, you will never again have to struggle to identify the specific instances of ethical, legal and philosophical dereliction that make the Democratic Party so easy to condemn.

Which is nice.

UPDATE: Heh.

Posted by John Climacus at 02:39 | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (1)

Improbable as it may seem, the powers-that-be are going to have to make room for a suburban commuter school from Fairfax, Va., that was a dicey choice to make the NCAA tournament as an at-large team.

Mason has long been considered by locals a very good college that's not all that hard to get into and which Fairfax residents can attend while still living at home (or at least nearby).

The patronizing view of GMU has always been, in my opinion, a crock. Its outstanding faculty includes columnist Walter E. Williams:

It was the basketball equivalent of a super flyweight Golden Gloves champ knocking out Muhammad Ali in his prime.

But there was so much more at stake here yesterday, which makes George Mason beating Connecticut the college basketball equivalent of Ali beating Sonny Liston, which changed the fight game as we came to know it. In eight days, we could look back and see that George Mason was good enough to win a national championship. But yesterday, the Patriots shocked the world.

Maybe -- okay, probably -- this is the biggest upset in NCAA tournament history.

Tom Knott of the local paper of record says the reason GMU has gotten as far as it has is because so many players from the powerhouse colleges left early for the NBA.

I think that's not the case. If it were, there would be a plethora of larger and better-funded athletic programs that still could have filled the breach before GMU.

I think this is simply a miracle-on-ice-caliber sports story: 'Bad News Bears' and David vs Goliath and all the other heroic myths that, in essence, are what make spectator sports worth following.

When so many teams in the overall sports universe can simply buy the best players every year, none of the games are truly very interesting.

What made them interesting when we were kids - which, we all must admit, is the time when we developed the enthusiasm - was the notion that a ragtag group of players could, through hard work, become something great.

That is what the George Mason University basketball team has accomplished with their victory over the University of Connecticut. It is enough to make the jaded feel a renewed excitement. It reminds us why we learned to love watching the games.

Posted by John Climacus at 02:22 | Permalink

This is how you can recognize a civilization rotting from the head down: It vilifies those tasked with protecting it.

My personal experience is limited to the past few decades, but from reading history I believe there was a time when Americans on the whole knew who their enemies were. I also think there was a time when most of us would have enthusiastically supported the rough treatment of suspected bad guys if such treatment made our soldiers safer.

But today, the benefit of the doubt has gone entirely over to the bad guys' side. Instead of focusing 100 percent on destroying all of those who like sawing off civilians' heads, our soldiers must be mindful not to scare them too much in the process.

Who among our military leaders understands that this is how to lose a war:

Penalty One of Lightest for Detainee Abuse

Smith will also be reduced to the rank of private, E-1, and will receive a bad-conduct discharge at the end of his prison term...

One of the attorneys for the poor soldier who got screwed blames the higher ups:

...everyone from [President] Bush down is perfectly content to allow enlisted persons to be scapegoats for their actions...

I just can't believe Rumsfeld wouldn't stand up and say "Of course we are using dogs to intimidate the prisoners and gain information, but none of those dogs has ever been permitted to take more a few toes, if that."

One statement to that effect and all of us would sleep more soundly.

On a related note, interestingly in the same edition of the Post, is this very good-news story:

The three men rescued Thursday -- two Canadians and a Briton -- were freed in a planned rescue operation by multi-national forces, officials said...

Maj. Gen. Rick Lynch, a U.S. military spokesman, said they acted on a tip from a man who was captured by U.S. forces only three hours earlier.

Anyway, I hope someone with influence challenges President Bush to grant Private Smith an immediate pardon and reinstatement to his former rank.

C'mon, Karl Rove give us something to vote for this November and two years from now.

Posted by John Climacus at 02:08 | Permalink

Following my general rule "When too busy to blog, post someone else's press release and if it's about the Party of Weasels so much the better," I am pleased to submit this succinct, effective e-mail from Bill Frist (who I view more favorably with each passing day):

Thank you Harry Reid for finally being so candid with the American people.

Yesterday in an interview with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, Minority leader Reid gave away the Democrat playbook.

During the course of the interview, Harry Reid said:

1. The wiretapping of Al Qaeda terrorists by the NSA was illegal.

2. That he, as leader of Senate Democrats, would not rule out impeaching President Bush over the wiretapping program.

3. He would seek to filibuster the border security legislation, Secure America’s Borders Act, that I introduced in the Senate last Thursday because it focused only on border security and interior enforcement.

4. He is in favor of “fair track” amnesty for the estimated 11 million illegal aliens.

5. He does not believe in improving the physical security of our borders, because with better interior enforcement of employers, illegal immigration would stop (Harry forgot about the very real possibility of drug runners and terrorists crossing our porous borders…I imagine they wouldn’t be looking for jobs).

Comments like this make very clear what is at stake in November.

Republicans need to rally around the President. We need to support our Senate and House candidates. We need to volunteer on their behalf. We need to walk door to door. We need to write letters to the editor. We need to post messages on popular online bulletin boards. And we need to wake up to the reality of what a Democrat controlled Senate led by Harry Reid would mean for our country.

To read the full text of the Reid interview please click here.

I encourage you to post a comment on my blog. To do so please click here.

Posted by John Climacus at 11:09 | Permalink

Now on the matter of "censuring" folks, THIS is a campaign I can get behind.

“If the Members of Congress have an itchy finger to issue a resolution of censure they should start with former President Jimmy Carter, who has repeatedly worked to undermine U.S. foreign policy, while happily promoting the interests of known terrorists and terrorist organizations,” said Melanie Morgan, Chairman of Move America Forward.

A resolution of censure is a non-binding resolution that serves as a Congressional reprimand and is an expression of condemnation or rebuke. It can be issued against either a sitting or former President or other political leader.

“If the Members of Congress cannot unite behind a resolution that rebukes a former President for repeatedly working to advance the interests of terrorist groups like Hamas and terrorist leaders like Yasser Arafat, then what good is the Congress?” Morgan asked.

But of course, if Republicans had the stones to censure Jimmy Carter, they would also have already secured our southern border and it would be unnecessary to have a friggin' grassroots campaign to try and get them to do so.

And so I'll just keep sending my money to the folks who are really doing some good.

Posted by John Climacus at 11:28 | Permalink

Oh me oh my, don't that just take the cake! I mean, wowie-zowie, a real live Llama butcher came by with some career assistance, and believe you me I'm gonna take it!

Llama butchers know a thing or two about Google-tuning, y' see. And my favorite Llama of them all, Uncle Steve-O Llama, saw fit to toss me a morsel from the table, as it were.

He said, "Johnny, my boy, I'm not using 'big bucket of Japanese porn' at present, so if you want it, it's yours."

Aw shucks, Uncle Llama Steve, you shouldn't have: 'Big bucket of Japanese porn' sounds pretty keen. In fact, it sounds terrific!

Why, I'm just gonna set my 'big bucket of Japanese porn' right here, with my modern polygamous lifestyle and my Debra LaFave photo, right in front of my 'Barry Bonds on steroids' model and my Tom Cruise Scientology cartoon picture book, over by my complete set of Paula Abdul 'drunk on TV' Coca Cola glasses!

Hey, I've got it - I'm gonna tell all the guys down at the soda shop about this, and oh boy are THEY gonna be surprised. I can't wait to see what Ed of MonkeyWatch says when I come walking in with a smile as wide as a Zagnut bar.

"Hey Ed," I'll say, "Guess who got 100 Google hits last night?"

"Yah, go take a powdah," Ed will probably say, "Youse got no real news on that silly Alpaca blog. Youse got the same lousy hits you always get. G'wan, yer muddah's callin' ya...'"

Boy oh boy will HE be surprised! And it's all thanks to my very favorite Uncle Steve-O Llama. Zippedy doo-dah, zippedy-ay, buckets o' porn sending traffic my way...

Posted by John Climacus at 11:15 | Permalink

The Llamas know a link-profitable news story when they see one.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you may even pound the table in O'Reilly-esque indignation (Bill will be all over this one, of course: Impact Segment tonight at 8:15).

Latest news here. Earlier news about LaFave is here.

Posted by John Climacus at 06:03 | Permalink

Or: We're ALL Islamic Fascists Now

Once you allow eavesdropping on terrorists, where will it all end?

That is the question facing Washington today as the controversy over President Bush's wiretapping policy heats up.

All of us in this body took an oath to support and defend the Constitution of the United States and bear true allegiance to the same. Fulfilling that oath requires us to speak clearly and forcefully when the President violates the law. This resolution allows us to send a clear message that the President's conduct was wrong.

And we must do that. The President' actions demand a formal judgment from Congress.

Just imagine - U.S. government-sponsored prohibition of: forced marriage, mutilation of little girls, freedom of religion, and all the other cultural hallmarks that have made Eurabia what it is today.

'Cracking down' on terrorists, as George W. Bush is so eager to do with his swaggering Texas bravado, could be the first step in extinguishing the nascent, colorful flame of Islamic culture in America.

So censure him - censure him now!

Or explain to your daughters and granddaughters why they are destined to live in a world of chaotic 'freedom.'

Posted by John Climacus at 03:34 | Permalink

Andy Willoughby has followed up with an e-mail response (after we e-mailed him) to this post and this post and this.

I was going to do a post on MLM in general, having had a few brushes with it in both my personal and professional life. I have seen the bad side (largely in my regular life) and I also know people through work who have used it successfully for years (in a field most people have never thought of).

But I happen to be very busy AT work right now, so any post requiring extensive time on my part is going to have to wait at least a week. So I'll just let Andy speak for himself again:

John

My experience with MLM has been similar to my experience with radio broadcasting, car repair, mortgage loans, rental properties and remodelers. Some good, some really good, some bad, some really bad. When it comes to owning your own business, people are always going to have to do a serious due diligence. Those that don't take the time for a thorough due diligence take a big risk. At the same time risk is an essential ingredient to success. If you refuse to take any risk you will miss out on many of the best things in life.

My conviction is that if people will work hard, persist and be a student of their trade, they can succeed at nearly anything they take on. I believe there are very few vocations without honor. Some consider another man's work insignificant and laughable, very few feel that way about their own. How can you place importance on a particular job? Who would you find it easier to do without, your banker or your trash collector? Of course thieves, liars and nay-sayers are dangerous no matter what profession they are in. Fortunately most people are honest, truthful and optimistic most of the time.

I think it best to work a job you enjoy. If you do it will be easy and you will probably be successful. If you don't like what you do, find something you do like. If you can't find something you like, you better learn to like what you do.

The reason I developed the 3-Step Plan was so that I would never be placed in a position in which I was telling people they could make a lot of money just so I could make a lot of money. The 3-Step Plan is similar to a "mini-franchise." We do the advertising so people have a continuing source of interested prospects. The voice mail message you mentioned in previous articles is done so that our members don't have to be salespeople to make money in marketing. They just 3-way in the presentations and send people to the websites. Not a lot of prestige but it does seem to work. Most of our members are more interested in getting out of debt or staying home with the kids than the prestige of a job title. Many are also not able to pay the upfront cost of a traditional business. Some have the money, they just don't want to take the risk with their savings or home mortgage to start a traditional business and the 3-Step Plan doesn't cost much to get started.

Have a great day.

Andy Willoughby

Andy did not ask for anything, by the way. And I'm sure I'll never be a network marketing guy. I just do not like to screw anyone over out of pointless spite.

Google troops, get Andy's side of the story here.

Posted by John Climacus at 01:01 | Permalink

Hmm. I am going to read NOTHING into the fact that I just hosted my first Bonfire of the Vanities and Kevin of Wizbang then, promptly, shut it down.

After 2 1/2 years it's time to retire The Bonfire Of The Vanities. It's been a great ride, and I know there are those who are still into it, but for me the joy ended long ago. It was a great run, but it's probably the case that the Bonfire jumped the shark long ago.

Thank you to all who hosted and to all of you who submitted Bonfire-worthy material. The bonfire@wizbangblog.com e-mail address is going into the bit bucket too, and no human should have get that
much Japanese porn.

Thanks again.

-Kevin

Posted by John Climacus at 02:59 | Permalink | Comments (2)

[UPDATE: More recent messages from Andy Willoughby are here and here.]

Well hush my puppies and call me cornpone, this is by far the most interesting thing to happen thus far in the short, 2.5 year life span of the Alpaca Burger Forum. The posts we wrote about Andy Willoughby generate a huge percentage of the traffic to this site, and maybe he has just managed to turn this into a positive for him.

[This comment could be a hoax but I don't think it is.]

Andy Willoughby, who I first castigated here and later in the post linked above, has written back via our comments. He writes as a stand-up guy, so I'm going to let him speak his peace without fisking or other derision:

Hi, how in the world are you anyway? Yeah, it's me. And I suppose I really am that folksy. I have to work hard not too address groups with comments like "Hi, folks". That is just me. Some people make fun of my folksy approach and I guess I deserve it. Maybe I turn off the really cool and sophisticated.

The truth about me is that I try to be just what I sound like. I am not preacher, an angel or a super saint, but I am a born again Christian. I married my high school sweet heart 37 years ago, we get on each others nerves sometimes, but we still love each other. I have 3 grown children and 9 grand children that I spend a lot of time with. We just watched Bambi 2 this morning. I have a good credit rating but not as much savings as I should for a guy my age.

I have never been in jail or accused of stealing and I have no criminal record, but I have gotten two speeding tickets this year.

I love Starbucks, play bad golf and eat a lot of popcorn. I am not overweight or muscular.

We advertise for the same reason that McDonalds and Hallmark do, to find customers. It also means that our members don't have to try to talk their friends or relatives into anything.

We advertise on Christian radio because we can achieve two very important goals. Reach nice people with our advertising message and support Christian radio. We realize that some people don't like our advertising approach and assume they will not call. That's OK, nothing is for everyone.

Besides if I used some really cool sophisticated approach and then people found out they had to work with folksy old Andy, they might be disappointed. At least this way, people know what they are getting ahead of time.

We all don't have to be cool or the same or agree about everything. But I think we should be nice to each other.

Most of our members have been with us for years. Since we have no long time contracts with our members and do not collect big upfront fees, I assume they would quit if they did not feel the 3-Step Plan was helping them. After many years in business, our program continues to grow. Not dramatically, but consistently.

I hope that all goes well with you and your family and that your work gives you a sense of achievement and positive contribution to others.

Sincerely

Andy Willoughby
Posted by: Andy Willoughby | March 13, 2006 12:32 PM

Andy seems to have zeroed in the primary reason for my earliest posts (which I'm not going to link because they were just silly): I found the radio commercials irritating. He addresses that aspect with the only substantial defensive part of his comment. I think he acquits himself well - and not in any manner I'd care to argue about.

By the same token, he seems to grant me the liberty to find his commercial annoying. Fair enough.

I don't find Andy's justification of his business particularly difficult either. As I noted early on in the only post I really did any work on, 'network marketing' works for some people. Giving Andy the benefit of the doubt again, from his telling of the story I'll admit his three step plan could also be one of the ones that works.

Most significantly, Andy does not bother to address my objection that the entire network marketing/MLM business model is problematic for me. Of course it is problematic or else everyone would be doing it and no one would make any money. Of course it can be viewed as giving license for semi-sleazy behavior. But it's a job which some people do. Andy does not argue network marketing is 'noble' work, just that it's work.

OK, Andy, if it is really you. You addressed the issue well enough for me without any line of BS and without telling me I should not be annoyed at your commercials or feel warm and fuzzy about network marketing.

As far as my 'sense of achievement and positive contribution to others' goes: If selling mangosteen juice is a scam and your business model capitalized on the latent trust you get from people who listen to Christian radio - and screwed up their lives like the lives I know which Amway has screwed up - then I would feel good about having said the things I said about your business.

If, however, you are on the up and up, even if your business strikes me as squirrely, I would not feel a sense of achievement at all. I would still say I find the commercials annoying, but I would not paint your work as a scam.

If you are on the up and up, Andy, then my earlier posts were unjustified in some respects, and I apologize. I am going to link this new post in the others to encourage people who arrive here by the search engines to give you a look. The work isn't for me, but it could be for others: Here is the link to Andy's site. If you really want to learn about his program, look into it yourself rather than taking my word for it.

Thanks for the gentlemanly comment, Andy.

Posted by John Climacus at 01:29 | Permalink | Comments (10)

Y'know, people are starving and beset by terrible circumstances all around the world, yet there is still sufficient leisure time for such cleverness here in the U.S. one has to either admire the spirit, or bemoan the inevitable lightning bolt from heaven which will strike us all dead:

When either person picks up a glass, red LEDs on their partner's glass glow gently. And when either puts the glass to their lips, sensors make white LEDs on the rim of the other glass glow brightly.

Following tests in separate labs, Lee says the wireless glasses really do "help people feel as if they are sharing a drinking experience together".

How about, when they down a shot of Cuervo, sensors make purple LEDs on their eyes glow brightly; or when they pound their tenth Captain and Coke, sensors make salmon-colored LEDs on their vomit-flecked chins glow brightly?

Not to mention the whole 'Weasels Ripped My Flesh' scenario.

Posted by John Climacus at 01:37 | Permalink

Admittedly, 397 maggots is not such a large haul, in the grand-maggot scheme of things, but it's a step in the right direction:

Federal agents have arrested 375 suspected gang members and associates in 23 states, along with 22 in Washington, Maryland and Virginia, in a sweep of violent street gangs nationwide.

Most of those arrested were identified as Mara Salvatrucha, MS-13 members, including all but three taken into custody locally. MS-13 has been tied to killings, carjackings, extortion and rapes nationwide.

The arrests, part of a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE)-led initiative known as Operation Community Shield, also netted suspected gang members in Dallas, San Diego, Miami, Raleigh, N.C., Sioux Falls, S.D., Des Moines, Iowa, and Springfield, Mo.

George W. Bush's legacy will be mixed in a number of areas. But on protecting the country he is pretty much batting .1000. He can continue all his other screw-ups, in my opinion, and still earn a place on Rushmore from this achievement alone.

Posted by John Climacus at 12:57 | Permalink

Interestingly enough, the Internet connection at this big fancy business hotel is not so hot. 'Slow' would be a good word for it: so slow that Mozilla tends to time-out with annoying frequency.

What does that mean for me? 'Page not found' errors over and over, so it is necessary to hit f5 multiple times to do simple things like read any Web page or do anything at all in Movable Type.

What does that mean for you? I'm predicting you'll have the pleasure of reading a chaotic, intermittent set of early posts which could be just plain weird, followed by a smaller number of very angry ones towards the end.

For now, I am 22 floors over the Las Vegas strip, with a killer view of Treasure Island, Wynn, Stardust, Frontier and innumerable other properties as far as the eye can see - and at night it looks cool. That's the thing about Vegas, for me: I go here all the time on business. I don't gamble because I'm no good at it, and gambling seems really dumb. It's a trashy city, as trashy as they come. But boy oh boy does it look cool at night. If you have to go somewhere to work your ass off for a week and basically never get outside of the hotel, you might as well go somewhere with good visuals. And I'm a sucker for all the electrical stuff.

By next weekend we will be home again and everything should be peachy and normal.

Posted by John Climacus at 06:31 | Permalink

If a story such as this one comes out, you will read about it here.

Red Wine May Ward Off Gum Disease

Though the results have so far only been borne out in the test tube, a team of Canadian scientists believe antioxidant components in red wine and grape seeds have anti-inflammatory effects that may ward off periodontal troubles...

Recent research has indicated that the inflammation and immune responses which accompany serious gum infection may also provoke an increased risk for diabetes, heart disease and birthing abnormalities among periodontal patients.

Oddly enough, my teeth have always felt quite powerful and robust. My gums are very resiliant. I really think this provides a cornerstone to build upon, health-wise.

Posted by John Climacus at 10:32 | Permalink

I just spent a portion of lunch reviewing this list of the UN Human Rights Commission members, and I have to say: That is some ______ed-up _____.

Friggin' Sudan? I can see how a China might get through on the basis of international prestige and the kilotons to back it up, but Zimbabwe....? Congo? It's good we don't have a direct democracy in this country or else whoever in the U.S. government actually signs that check for the United Nations each year would be quickly subject to a National Referendum to Have That Person Thrown Off A Cliff.

I think it should be called the 'UN Commission on Way Beyond Irony - More Like Insanity.'

After digging around, I'd also say at least half the countries represented are places I would never even want to send Sean Penn to, which is saying a lot.

So the bottom line is: Who are the candidates this fall in favor of never sending the UN another thin dime? They can count on the staunch support of the Alpaca Burger Forum; or, should none make it onto the ballot this time, we will take a harder look at the national referendum option.

Posted by John Climacus at 01:26 | Permalink

First, not to be dogmatic or anything, but if you're not already reading Donkey Cons, you should be. Stacy McCain is a blogger (who happens to be employed by the local paper of record) who comes up with good stories and has a refreshingly candid approach to his own work. He's in it for the money.

A conservative writer with an edge and a sense of humor: What's not to like?

AND he's the co-author of this book which I can tell you is now being shipped from Amazon so go get yourself a copy. For the children.

On a personal note, I will be traveling on business much of the next week so any posting will need to be late at night, possibly under significant duress, potentially after mild-to-stupendous consumption of fermented, fruit-derived beverages and, generally speaking, with only a barest semblance of coherence.

In other words, it will be business as usual here at the Alpaca Burger Forum.

UPDATE: Oh also, I plan to finally finish reading The Force of Reason on the plane, and if it sparks any big ideas, I will try and keep them to myself (can't promise anything, though, especially between 2:00 am and 4:00 am).

Posted by John Climacus at 11:06 | Permalink

That dirty, stinkin' MSM keep tryin' to mess with my boy.

Catch the subliminals, dog:

Posted by John Climacus at 03:59 | Permalink

Several countries are understandably apoplectic about receiving failing grades on human rights in the latest U.S. State Department Human Rights Report.

China, Cuba and Zimbabwe issued a joint statement declaring

As bona fide members of the United Nations Commission on Human Rights, we find it laughable and illogical that our nations should be singled out for criticism by a government that funds less than one-quarter of the annual U.N budget, and which is responsible for Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay and the still-unexplained death of Root Boy Slim.

After running two phrases through Google conducting extensive research, I manufactured discovered this document which neatly cross-references the new State Department report with the current members of the UN Commission on Human Rights.

It makes for an enlightening session of Web surfing. For example, my faith in the UN is now greatly bolstered by the fact that less than 40 percent of the countries holding membership on this Commission are places I wouldn't want to be caught dead in.

MEMBERSHIP OF THE COMMISSION ON HUMAN RIGHTS

The Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights (OHCHR) is a department of the United Nations Secretariat. It is mandated to promote and protect the enjoyment and full realization, by all people, of all rights established in the Charter of the United Nations and in international human rights laws and treaties. The mandate includes preventing human rights violations, securing respect for all human rights, promoting international cooperation to protect human rights, coordinating related activities throughout the United Nations, and strengthening and streamlining the United Nations system in the field of human rights. In addition to its mandated responsibilities, the Office leads efforts to integrate a human rights approach within all work carried out by United Nations agencies.

OHCHR's priorities are set by the General Assembly and are contained in the Medium-Term Plan for 2002-2005 . The plan follows the 1993 Vienna Declaration and Programme of Action, which was developed out of the 1993 World Conference on Human Rights, and the Charter of the United Nations.

(2006)

1   Argentina   2008
2   Armenia   2007
3   Australia   2008
4   Austria   2008
5   Azerbaijan   2008
6   Bangladesh   2008
7   Bhutan   2006
8   Botswana  2008
9   Brazil   2008
10   Cameroon   2008
11   Canada   2007
12   China   2008
13   Congo   2006
14   Costa Rica   2006
15   Cuba   2006
16   Dominican Republic   2006
17   Ecuador   2007
18   Egypt   2006
19   Eritrea   2006
20   Ethiopia   2006
21   Finland   2007
22   France   2007
23   Germany   2008
24   Guatemala   2006
25   Guinea   2007
26   Honduras   2006
27   Hungary   2006
28   India   2006
29   Indonesia   2006
30   Italy   2006
31   Japan   2008
32   Kenya   2007
33   Malaysia   2007
34   Mauritania   2006
35   Mexico   2007
36   Morocco   2008
37   Nepal   2006
38   Netherlands   2006
39   Nigeria   2006
40   Pakistan   2007
41   Peru   2006
42   Qatar   2006
43   Republic of Korea   2007
44   Romania   2007
45   Russian Federation   2006
46   Saudi Arabia   2006
47   South Africa   2006
48   Sudan   2007
49   Togo   2007
50   United Kingdom   2006
51   United States of America   2008
52   Venezuela   2008
53   Zimbabwe   2008

NOTE: Togo holds a permanent seat on all UN standing committees by virtue of a 1997 directive supporting that nation's thus far futile attempt to convince anyone in the world there is really a country called 'Togo.'

Posted by John Climacus at 01:35 | Permalink

Yes! Yes!

[punches the air several times in sheer exultation]

YES! Lawdy mama, this blog has arrived.

It all happened like this: I was at my computer recently (about 87 minutes ago) and, taking a momentary break from work I leaned back in my chair. After leaning back for about 10 seconds I began to feel slightly dizzy which I assumed was the result of too much coffee.

Leaning forward toward my computer again, the thought hit me: Why not check the Alpaca Burger Forum Sitemeter stats? It only takes a second, and it's free. Why not, indeed!

So I clicked on the appropriate icon to invoke my browser, typed in the rather cryptic URL, and...voila! There before my eyes was this remarkable list of all the other Web sites that had recently referred visitors to this one.

It is a truly fascinating piece of technology! It would be even more so, in my case, if 99.9 percent of the referrals were from something other than hapless surfers Googling the term 'Andy Willoughby.'

But this time, something happened that was so crazy and outlandish I can barely believe I am typing these words to you now:

I GOT MY FIRST INSTA-LANCHE!

[breaks into the Snoopy the Dog Happy Dance Cha-Cha: 'I got my insta-lanche YEAH, got my insta-lanche YEAH! Who got the Insta-lanche? I got the Insta-lanche. WHO got the Insta-lanche? I got the Insta-Lanche. I got my Insta-...']

...Sorry...now where was I...oh, yeah: So anyway, here's what it actually looks like when the blogosphere's Spacing Guild himself deigns to fold time and space and send a little traffic your way:

Is that a 'ho-wo-wo-wo-wo-lee CRAP!' moment, or what?

Now admittedly, my first Insta-lanche was a modest one, although after all the exhilaration I can't hardly believe I had the presence of mind to try and count the hits.

And luckily, it wasn't too far beyond my mental abilities because there was just the one...an Insta-lanche of One. And it came as the result of the dynamic content in a Blog Carnivals ad that happened to be on the Instapundit site, not from any conscious action by Glenn Reynolds himself. And it seems to have been some person in Moldavia.

But I'll take it, dammit.

I'll take it, I'll cherish it, and I'll forever preserve it in this jpeg for my children and my childrens' children, and I'll love it and I'll hug it and I'll call him 'George'....no, 'Glenn.' Yeah, that'll be good.

UPDATE: ¡Bienvenidos, Llama jockeys! It's a Llama-lanche! A LLAMA-lanche, I tells ya! Yeeaaaarrggghhh!

Posted by John Climacus at 04:23 | Permalink | Comments (7) | TrackBacks (1)

Folks, we're ALL Bozos on this bus.

We'll remind you throughout - in fact, when this day is over you will never get the motif out of your mind - because every entry will be roundly saluted with a big honking blast of the Bozo nose-horn.

G'wan, kid, squeeze the wheeze. Many people like to.

HONK HONK.

See, it doesn't hurt me.

Now, in case you are new to this most ancient blog Carnival, I'd like to take a moment to provide some background and review the concept (some of you who are NOT new to the Bonfire may want to pay attention as well, in case you were dozing off during a previous lesson):

The Bonfire was established by WizBang the Elder as the final repository for all the self-acknowledged Bad Posts - 'your worst post along with any self serving excuses or clever self mocking.' You mail 'em in, we burn 'em. Your entry admits, 'I been a bad, bad blogger.'

And we say, 'Thou art truly a Bozo and thou hast understood well...Hop on the bus! HONK means LOVE. Good tidings, my child! Thy blogging sins have been forgiven thee.'

But, if you get cute and slip in a post which, in your heart of hearts, you secretly consider pretty decent, in the hope the inevitable avalanche of Bonfire-instigated traffic will propel you into the highest regions of blogospheric fame...

...Well, we shall say, 'This is not so foul. Thou hast broken the rules! Thou fool! Didst not thou expect to be found out? Thou art most truly a bad-faith Bozo. Get ye on the bus...and ALSO PAY YE FOR THE BEER!' HOOOONNNK HONK HONK! Eardrum-bursting Evil-Bozo foghorn blast for you!

Examples:

A proper Bonfire submission:

They said it couldn't be done but I have now posted every hour on the hour for 4 days, well on my way to lucky 7. My Sitemeter is going nuts and I'm a Large, Large Mammallian Creature. It's briLLiant, briLLIant, briLILILILient, briLILILILient, briLILILILient

But, how now, sirrah! An interloper:

I'll trust a liberal with national security when they pry my brain from my cold, dead skull.

And if your post simply transcends the realm of ridicule, you get no honks at all. You get mindblown 'WTF' Bozo:

From my years teaching Yucatan archaeology, I learned a healthy respect for the Celestine Prophecies...

Without further ado: this week's Bonfire Bozo Bus Bonanza:

Comes now DC Metro Contract Attorneys, on the other hand, submitting an accurate post about evil which everyone needs to read. But there's no irony here, it's just plain evil. Nothing to burn, folks. So while you attorneys are heading out to grab some Tuborg, say hello to my little friend:
 HOOOONNNK HONK HONK!.

Mensa Barbie Welcomes You riffs on the al Qaeda HR department. 'Riffs' in the sense that she delineates the benefits package of the Mujahadeen. Now, gee whillickers, I love a stunning, blond Mensa more than just about any other Mensa in the whole wide world...but burning this post would be like putting her in a burka. Sorry, Barbie, Homey don't play dat:
 HOOOONNNK HONK HONK!.

Next stop: Andrew Ian Dodge at Dodgeblogium goes shopping in Mister Rogers' neighborhood, and reckons his tale might yield a snigger. No, it just makes us wish someone would wipe the porridge off our chin before we get a rash. Welcome aboard, Boze-meister, 'cause that's what we call good kindlin'!!
 HONK.

Jack Cluth at The People's Republic of Seabrook wishes he'd had something insightful to say about guys who see Jesus-faces all over the place, but instead he equivocates over whether hucksterism has a place in the modern economy. This hesitation, Jack, was your undoing. SO GET ON THE BUS ALREADY ya' big lug! Sit next to the sizzling gal in the fourth row and for $25 she'll tell your future.
 HONK.

Kirby on Finance is next in line, and just look at him: with his gleaming Bostonians, spectacular coiffe and perfectly knotted tie, waving his ticket and chomping at the bit. Settle down there, Sparky. Let's just have a little look-see at your warning that folks may be saving TOO much. It IS well-argued, so much so that I was about to feed you to the gnarly-toothed Evil one. But: Unless your entire readership is comprised of anal retentive 'Protestant Ethic' FREAKS who really manage to save 40 percent of their income, I must pronounce this post total hogwash which, if followed, would have us all speaking Chinese within a generation. Good work, old chap! We got us a MONSTER blaze going now. Please join our stern-visaged coolers who can take some of that irritating shine out of your smile.
 HONK.

Ohhhh-kay...up steps Mom from raising4boys.com, with a delightful little missive about 'Playgroup Connections' and I don't know whether to nod and wave her through or call the boss for further instructions. I ain't gonna sic the Bad Bozos on her - I don't have the heart - but she clearly does not mean for this post to be incinerated. I'm bringing her aboard, but with more than a little apprehension. After an evening on the bus, she might be dressing the kids up in clown costumes and teaching them to rob banks. On you go, lady, and sit next to that nice boy with the tan sweater. He knows how to make hats out of paper. (Christ, they don't pay me enough for this job.)
...wtf...?

This is more like it: Sinner at 7 Deadly Sins tries to emulate a blogfather with this exercise in one of blogdaddy's trademark blogging devices. But there's a hitch: the other party in the conversation was obviously not 'coffee', but 'ethanol'. Or possibly, 'psilocybin mushroom tea'. Anyways, THAT'S ONE NO-SENSE-MAKIN' POST, BUSTER. IT'S GOIN' DOWN! Toss it on the inferno and get your butt on board!
 HONK.

Grrr! Peakah's Provocations... has me a bit stumped, because forwarding a cutesy 'women can be dangerous so be careful' spam e-mail into your blog and calling it a 'post' is PRIMO Bonfire fodder, and rightfully it deserves an 'attaboy' - but I personally hate that crap so much I'd like to feed him to the ravenous Nasty Bozo jackals just on general principles. But my doctor says I can't do that anymore or I'm back in adult detention for six more months....[taking a deep breath]...So, sure, Cowboy, won't you join us, set that post of yours over on the woodpile, and please take the seat next to that man with the wry, condemning smile, who might have some valuable advice about courtship.
 HONK.

Random Yak learns the infinitely important lesson that ideas which seem clever at 2:00 am often seem less so in the light of day. Hmmm, interesting observation, that. Very interesting. My entire blogging career just flashed before my eyes...must reflect...Must. Reevaluate. Self....In the meantime, get on up here, old buddy old pal! Our resident space cadet has been waiting for just this bit of advice.
 HONK.

Freedom watch helpfully provides a thoughtful analysis of attitudes toward the less fortunate. Isn't that wonderful? But wouldn't such a torrent from the heart simply extinguish our mighty Bonfire? Are 'thoughtful' and 'analysis' really appropriate for the Bonfire? Sure they are, friend, sure they are. Now, if you'd just lean in a little closer, I need to tell you something REAL special. That's it, a little closer....closer....
 HOOOONNNK HONK HONK!. What kind of saps you take us for!? We need something with body so you grab a case of Carlsberg Elephant and make sure it's cold.

Radioactive Liberty has been cogitating for a while now about the UAE-ports controversy and delivers a joke, if you can believe it. A real humdinger, too, guaranteed to get a bunch of fifth-graders laughing their heads off. OOO-RAH, SON! Just the kind of dreg this Bonfire needs. Grab a cool one and find a chair!
 HONK.

And ask yourself: 'Shalt I continue writing and make a Bozo of myself?' If the answer is 'yes' we will expect to see you back here, at the Bonfire, on the bus.

Why, methinks it just may be a Bonfire!

It's the most egalitarian, non-discriminatory, mirror-of-the-human-soul Carnival of all.

Get the concept at WizBang.

Submit your entry at Blog Carnival or Conservative Cat.

If you've ever had a 'Yeeeeaaaarggghhh!' moment, this is the Carnival by which you shall be purged.

But make sure you get the concept down, and no clownin' around, ok? I don't want to have to frighten anybody, but if necessary I will.

Posted by John Climacus at 02:22 | Permalink | Comments (1)

The Czechs seem to know what time it is:

Czech efforts to get the EU to take a united stand in condemning Islamic violence in the wake of the controversy over caricatures of the prophet Mohammed have failed to bear fruit - only increasing tension between the Czech Republic and Arab states. Moreover, a number of Arab countries have protested against a documentary on the life of Moslems featured on Czech television, which they say shows Moslems as dangerous radicals.

Reports claiming that the Czech Republic is actively harming Arab interests and broadcasting untruths about Islam appeared in three state owned Egyptiasn papers this week -the Al Gomhuriah, Al Akhbar and the Egyptian Gazzette. Although the reports did not spark street protests the editor in chief of the Egyptian Gazzette warned that a boycott of Czech products could easily happen. This on the day that Czech minister Cyril Svoboda was vainly attempting to rally EU support behind a statement condemning Islamic radicalism. Richard Krpac is from the Foreign Ministry's press department:

"The Czech Foreign Minister Cyril Svoboda did his best to persuade his EU partners in Brussels to take a more principled stance on this issue. Unfortunately our opinion did not prevail and obviously we will follow the position agreed on by all EU countries."

The FBI joined the case because Taheri-azar, a native of Iran, "allegedly made statements that he acted to avenge the American treatment of Muslims. The ongoing investigation will work to confirm this," said Special Agent Richard Kolko, an FBI spokesman in Washington.

Posted by John Climacus at 02:45 | Permalink | TrackBacks (1)

My copy of The Force of Reason arrived tonight, finally! I ordered it six months ago, no exaggeration: My guess is the delay was because she again did the translation herself - and the preservation of her unique grammar (and punctuation) and Italian phraseology is one of the aspects that makes her writing so forceful.

This book is about twice as long as The Rage and the Pride and in a way it picks up where that one left off.

It's a quick read, mainly because it's such a staccato blast of facts and arguments, delivered with the passion of war itself, that you can't put it down.

I'm about 2/3 finished and may summarize in detail later, but a prominent theme so far is: Europe is toast:

What I say is that today's Islamic invasion of Europe i